How do you leave a partner?

[MauveBee]

Cut a long story short. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 12 years. I’ve got to the point I don’t want to be with him anymore.. we just co-exist and live in the same house. We don’t do anything as a couple, he isn’t interested in what I want or about progressing further into our relationship.

Im just fed up and what to meet someone who wants the same things as me (children) and someone I can have a laugh with & go on date nights or holidays with. (None of which I do with my current boyfriend)

The problem I face is how do I leave? I feel so trapped and like I can’t just go. We have our home together, pets, bills etc and when I think of leaving I feel that tired and fed up that I don’t have the energy to deal with it all so months go by and I find myself still stuck in this horrible position.
My partner isn’t particularly nice to me and does say mean things when we argue which makes me want to leave more but I just don’t know where to begin.
I’m 31 and feel so lonely, all my friends are married & happy and I just feel so miserable.
I feel like if I stay any longer than I’m going to miss my chances of finding someone and being able to start a family but again I just don’t know where to begin with it all..

Any advice welcome but please no horrible comments as I don’t need it right now x

Do you own or rent? How intertwined are your finances? Are the bills in joint names?

He owns the house we live in so I could walk away from it in that sense but all the bills are in my name.

You sit with him and say exactly what you have said here.

"This relationship is not working for me anymore. We don't share goals, I am not in love with you anymore and I am not happy. I want to separate".

You let him have some time to digest the news and make questions if needed, and then you plan together how that is going to work, like the 2 adults with no dependants that you are.

The longer you wait, the more miserable you're going to grow. It won't get better. There's no good time to do it, there will always be someone's birthday, close to Christmas, an important presentation at work or someone will be sick. Just choose a day, and do it. How about today?

Start the conversation during a calm moment.... "this isn't how I want to spend the rest of my life. I think we could both be happier in the long run if we went our seperate ways and I'd like us to start discussing how we will do that."

If you can't say it, leave a note/ send a text. 'Hey, we need to talk' is a good way to drop the hint that something is about to be said!

I don’t see what is so complicated about this, you are young, not tied to him (married / no kids/ no joint home) just tell him that it’s not working for you and ye both need to move on, just because you are paying the bills is no reason to stay
The only thing I would do before you say it to him is sort out where you are going to live or at least have some idea where you will stay if he wants you to move out quickly

So find yourself somewhere else to live, and then change every bill back to him.

if you can move your stuff but by bit into the new place.

Tell him to go fuck himself.

You start by finding somewhere else to live.
Then get all these bills put into his name. And get up to date meter readings on utliities i.e. gas
If you are going to rent, which I guess you will then start saving for your deposit / 1st months rent, unless you have enough savings already.
Then tell him.

I wouldn’t be discussing it, present it to him as a done deal.

Do you have family you can stay with? If not maybe look into renting a room in a house share while you look for something long term.
Let the utility companies know the date you leave and provide final readings. Broadband might have to just be cancelled unless he's happy to have it in his name. If you pay the council tax, just take your name off it and leave his on. Don't stay with someone who makes you unhappy just because the bills are in your name.

I understand how hard this position is, been there myself and it is tough. My advice would be to confide in a friend, tell them what’s going to happen and make sure you have somewhere to stay. You need to be on neutral ground, as he won’t cause a scene and you’re more likely to go ahead with the break up. Tell him the absolute truth, be fair to him by telling him without any uncertainty that it’s over. Organise a time when he is out to get all your stuff, bring along a friend to keep safe. In terms of pets, are you happy to not see them again, would he allow you to keep them or would you still jointly own them? After you’ve done the hard part, cut all ties if possible. Hope this helps x