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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wisdom needed. Finding it upsetting to spend time around others when I'm dealing with hard life stuff.

3 replies

publicservice · 02/08/2025 21:32

I've recently identified a tendency in me that whenever I'm going through a (thankfully rare) personal crisis, I find it extremely emotionally hard to bear to be around other people who seem to be sailing through life.

To be specific, when I went through my divorce a few years back I had to cancel plans a couple of times, meeting dear friends with happy, intact family units.

Most recently I'm finding it quite upsetting to be around my lovely partner (of six years) and his amazing, well-adjusted kids. It throws my current situation into sharp relief - I'm supporting my daughter through an eating disorder right now, and it’s really bloody difficult.

Instead of enjoying a lovely couple of days away with DP + kids, I instead found myself quite tearful at the contrast. Ended up feeling thoroughly lonely as I didn't feel able to express my woes. Didn't feel fair to put that on him.

I guess it's not dissimilar from being triggered by scan pictures when all you want is a baby or having to dig deep to congratulate someone on a big splashy expense when you're struggling to make ends meet.

I don't want to make other people feel bad just for living their lives and I don't want to isolate myself.

Should I a) create some distance and avoid triggering situations for a bit, or b) get over myself and be happy for others?

OP posts:
Spooky2000 · 02/08/2025 22:30

Honestly? B. You're going to come across people in all walks of life who are doing better/worse than you are, and it will affect you. It's clear that you're having trouble coping though and I imagine that what you're going through with your DD is extremely tough to deal with. I honestly have sympathy with you on that...but life goes on and what doesn't break you does make you stronger - you will have wisdom of your own to share in time.

Not unkindly, I would suggest something is needed for YOU to help you cope with your current situation to be able to share with others your joy and pain. Don't keep it inside. Don't muddle on. Put on an emotional lifejacket through therapy to support YOU and you will hopefully feel happier, or at least more able to deal with things others bring to your life. All my best to you xx

Bluetoothpaste · 02/08/2025 22:39

Give yourself a bit of a break. Both a divorce and your DD’s ED are big, serious, things. it’s natural to step back a wee bit to focus on getting through them.

No one is “sailing through life” everyone has their own trials and tribulations to deal with at different times. Even if it’s not obvious to you.

Be kind to yourself.

Mumlaplomb · 02/08/2025 23:10

OP is there some counselling or other support you can get which may help you with your daughters ED and to process your divorce?

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