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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Best friends teen son - what to do?

11 replies

WEB83 · 02/08/2025 19:36

one of best friends is having real difficulties with her 15yr old son. He has been very disruptive at school, refusing to go to classes, squaring up to teachers when challenged, wandering off school premises whenever he feels like it. School tried lots of tactics, reduced timetables, trusted adult availability etc. Things reached a head a few months ago and he now point blank refuses to attend school.

my friend has made herself so ill with anxiety and worry for him, she’s lost 2st. Her dh is completely unsupportive- has a very poor relationship with his son. Rules with an iron fist. She is piggy in the middle at home and spends her days walking on egg shells.

so, my dilemma is that my son, also 15 confided in me that her son is into carting, the really strong weed vapes. This May explain some of his behaviour, but it is well known in the year group that he is hooked on them. I don’t want to break my son’s confidence, but I also feel terrible that I know about her son and she doesn’t.

I’ve just had a call from my older son, he’s on an evening out with girlfriend and has seen the teen son with older lads, 20-23yrs olds and well known drug dealers. There is a gang of them, the teen son being the youngest. My son said hi to him and didn’t seem shy that he’d been seen with them.

we live in a fairly quiet part of Scotland, and now my mind is wurring as to whether he’s mixed up in county lines etc? Although he doesn’t attend school, he is constantly out and about spending money. Where is he getting it from? He doesn’t have a part time job…

so - I’m in a quandary as to what to do. Should I tell my friend knowing I’ll break her heart and potentially drive a wedge between us. I would want to know if it was my son, but I do wonder how she would take it.

OP posts:
BerylSnow · 02/08/2025 19:37

Carting is the symptom, not the cause. They need to understand the cause.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 02/08/2025 19:40

Yes, I’d gently tell her. If you’d expect the same from her.

Sweatybettyinthisheat · 02/08/2025 19:44

Sounds like he's got in with the wrong crowd and is being manipulated. Speak to her and let her know. I'd want the full picture if it were my child.

BoredZelda · 02/08/2025 19:44

I would explain to my son why my friend needs to know this information.

bellocchild · 02/08/2025 19:44

Tell the school? They might be able to refer to support she can't easily access.

Endofyear · 02/08/2025 20:40

Yes you need to tell her - his safety trumps any worries about breaking a confidence or if she will be unhappy with you. She needs to know. She can't tackle the problem if she doesn't know about it.

BlueBadgers · 02/08/2025 21:08

What is carting?

carmak · 02/08/2025 23:38

BlueBadgers · 02/08/2025 21:08

What is carting?

I would like to know too.

NewbieYou · 03/08/2025 01:15

BlueBadgers · 02/08/2025 21:08

What is carting?

The op explained - it’s using high strength weed / THC cartridges that fit in a vape. Essentially vaping cannabis.

lonelyplanet13 · 03/08/2025 01:52

I was like this at his age . Labelled the naughty kid when it was pure trauma . From what I’ve read continue supporting your friend but report your concerns to safeguarding they will have more information if the group is know for grooming young kids to run stuff for them . If you speak to her directly, instinct will be defensive of her boy xx

lonelyplanet13 · 03/08/2025 01:54

You won’t even need to speak to anyone . Report your concerns online. If it’s innocent it fine , if it’s not your saving the boy from falling further x

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