Am I being overly sensitive here?

[BootsandCatss]

For the last 2 weeks I’ve been talking to a guy I’ve known around 11 years, we’ve met up once but due to school holidays dates are hard to arrange. We speak on the phone daily and he’s seemed like a really decent guy the whole time I’ve know him. Last night however his brother which I’ve also known a fair few years made the comment “she looks like she can bake” I didn’t really understand this at first but the guy I’m seeing said he was implying that I’m fat and started to laugh. Now this guy isn’t the slimmest, he’s actually very overweight himself. I’ve lost 7 stone in the last 16 months and while I’m still slightly bigger than ideal I’ve worked bloody hard to get down to the 11st, size 12 that I am now, and his reaction hurt. It’s always been a sore subject for me as I’ve battled with my weight all my life and I don’t know whether I’m being too sensitive about it? Instantly I thought to myself that I can’t carry this on with him. Am I being over the top by calling it off due to him laughing at this comment?

I don’t think you’re being OTT, this man clearly knows you’ve lost weight so should have some insight that you wouldn’t find the comment funny, also the fact his didn’t pull him up on the behaviour and laughed along is a red flag too, id walk away, he’s showing his true colours early
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so did this person say this to you? Can you give more context? If the guy you're seeing didn't shut him up or react sensitively towards you I'd toss him back, you can do better. And congrats on the hard work.

What a nasty comment.

Well done for the weight loss and size 12 isn't fat, though that's totally beside the point because personal comments about people's weight and appearance are unacceptable.

Ignoring the negging digs

we’ve met up once but due to school holidays dates are hard to arrange. We speak on the phone daily
This jumped out at me as a bit intense/odd

All I'll say is he doesnt sound like your future husband, does he?

Nope. Hard no.

My take is that he is envious of your weight loss achievements and projecting his own insecurities.

This is what my clinically obese exH used to do to me for years. I was a size 10.

Hard no.

You can pull him up on it you have the mental and emotional energy to do so. But still for me - hard no from a character defect perspective.

@LoloblueIm not sure how it even came up in conversation tbh, I was on the phone to the guy I’m seeing and his brother in the background said “she looks like she can bake” my reaction was kind of a erm okay? And that’s when he said “he’s implying that you’re fat” he didn’t say anything to him just laughed. Thank you😊

@Notanartist81no I was on the phone to the guy I’m seeing, he lives with his brother so he was with him.

@HelpMeUnpickThis I didn’t even think of it being this. I know he’s also struggled with his weight which is why I’m more baffled as to why he’d even say that’s what he was implying never mind laugh at it. I don’t think after just 2 weeks it’s worth the energy to pull him up on it, I’m just going to end it.

Well, I don't think an averagely nice person would want to hammer home the fact that his brother thinks you're fat, or do anything more than tell the brother to shut up, if he genuinely likes you. I also think this sounds like a slightly odd situation -- if you've known one another 11 years, what suddenly happened to make it romantic a fortnight ago? And do you really want to date someone who lives with the kind of tactless oaf who likes loudly pointing out the weight issues of someone his brother is seeing?

But in general, anyway, I think talking daily when you've only been on one date is a poor idea. Tell him you'll consider dating him after the summer holidays if you're still in the humour he shuts up his brother.

@Notanartist81yes that’s correct. He has a daughter. We bumped into each other after not seeing each other in a while, he told me he’s had feelings towards me for years and asked if I’d go on a date with him.

So if he's long had 'feelings' for you, why is he fine not only with his brother insulting your appearance, but with actually underlining this to you on the phone, in case you just thought it was some kind of weird compliment on your chocolate brownies? Is he a tactless, socially-awkward, not very bright man?

@Notanartist81he said nothing just laughed. He certainly won’t be my “DP” now or ever.

Tell them both to F off!!! How rude! Why are people so fixated on people’s weight!

Yeah that would make me question the character of both to be honest.

The thing is, you have known them for x amount of years, yet they seem to lack a bit of respect here, one his DB thinks he can just say whatever, very low class imho, and then this guy you have been speaking on not coming to your defense seeing he has "liked you for several years.

Either they are both just not very good when it comes to communication, or this is a warm up for what is to come in future should you two date. If he is so relaxed on this comment, then he will not really be too bothered on any future comments flying your way.

Nice work on the journey you are on👏

I’ve found out today that he was meant to go out for his friends birthday Saturday night, he’s told them he couldn’t go because I had told him he wasn’t allowed! So now his friends think I’m a control freak🤣🤣🤣 fair to say he is now blocked!

And this is someone you’d known 11 years?