I have two adult children who currently live at home. I’ve been with my husband for nearly 35 years and married for 28. I am struggling to know whether or not I want our relationship to continue now that we are past the kids stage. He loves the sound of his own voice and often I will sit down for breakfast in the morning and he will monologue at me about something going on either his work or a friend. He very often discards the things I want to talk about. I have found myself in a place where I am too nervous to voice my opinion for fear of feeling silly or weird. I feel as if there is a whole side of me that he doesn’t know because I gave up sharing my current interests with him years ago. I don’t like conflict and he is very quick to argue with me - although he says he’s not arguing and shouting, he’s just talking. To me, it feels as though he is shouting at me, putting my opinions down and making me feel bad for expressing them.
I feel relieved when he leaves the house for an extended period because I feel as though I can be me. I can focus on me. It’s not like I need time to myself, because I work in nature all day by myself and I love it. I get a tremendous sense of grounding when I’m out.
When I get home I feel myself feeling more and more irritated by his presence. He talks “at” me rather than with me and I find myself doing it back to him when I do get a chance to speak. It doesn’t feel healthy. About 10 yrs ago I suggested marriage counselling because I was unhappy, but he basically said no - he didn’t feel he could cope with it at the time. I was very hurt by this. How could he feel that was unimportant?
I feel as though because he is not abusive as such, I have no real argument to justify splitting us up. I have tried to control my emotional levels by learning how not to soak up his emotions in the last few years, but I just feel more and more frustrated. I feel myself getting irritated with him being there and I feel guilty. I have, pretty much daily, imagined a peaceful life on my own in a little house somewhere, but I think this sounds too good to be true. Would I really be happier on my own? What about the kids, the dog, the house, the finances - it all seems a lot to transform when I’m not 100% sure it would make me happier.