I don’t even know where to begin really. About 6 weeks ago I asked if I could check his Facebook was set to private (I’m really funny about people seeing in to my children’s lives) and he has had NO issue handing me his phone before but this time he went grey, he was visibly shaking and I could see his heartbeat through his t shirt. He fumbled and went on to his Facebook messages, there was a work colleague and the only message was ‘If only you knew what was waiting for you on Snapchat’ he played dumb, I demanded he downloaded it - I say downloaded because I had NO clue at all he ever still used it. We used to send each other silly snaps of the dog back when we first got together so I’m talking I didn’t know he’d used it in 6/7 years.
He downloaded it and there she was sending him a nude. I went berserk, left the house and after a while came back and he admitted he’d used Snapchat to speak to her as friends only and that she was the one sending nudes with zero encouragement from him, yeah right I thought. Anyway, I messaged her, turns out she too has a husband so I also threatened to tell him. She knew who I was and replied almost instantly. She said she was an arsehole, a wanker, a piece of shit and it was all her and I shouldn’t punish my partner because of it. I didn’t believe it at first and thought she was covering for him but I made him also message her on his Facebook and ask her to explain herself, she replied again saying it was all her and ‘there was nothing more she could do to help him’. Best believe I also told her husband everything.
Anyway, I thought I could get over that, he left his job and has since found elsewhere working from home. But in the weeks he was out of work I just had this AWFUL suspicion in my gut and I checked his phone further. I won’t go in to too much detail about how this all came out but over the past 4/5 weeks I’ve slowly discovered all of his serial online cheating. Almost as though he’s been living a secret double life. I first downloaded his Reddit, it was FILLED with porn. Now I will say I told him porn was a hard no at the beginning of our relationship, that boundary has been there since the start and he agreed to it.
Unfortunately that was just the tip of the iceberg. Reddit lead me to a secret Snapchat I’d never heard of before. I couldn’t log in though for some reason and he CONVINCED me that it was because he’d already deleted it in a panic when the stuff with his work colleague came out. He said it was just messages to sex workers, where he’d try and get free content, photos he’d saved and he was part of group chats where men circulated photos of women. On his Reddit I also found his Onlyfans. Never in my wildest fucking dreams did I think he’d use Onlyfans. He denied it at first ‘NO WAY have I EVER had an Onlyfans account’ he protested. So I reset the password and there it was, a link through to his email and I logged in and saw it all. Endless subscriptions, paying for personalised content, paying for messages from sex workers and the real kicker? He’d subscribed to a friend of mine, an old neighbour of ours. He didn’t just subscribe, he pestered her for to her ‘play with her p*y’ it was honestly gut wrenching to read. He used to mock her all the time when we lived next door to her, constantly saying how desperate for fame she was and even saying ‘who’d subscribe to her honestly’ erm, you?
Over the next couple weeks I found out he’d also used Instagram, Twitter, Telegram, Tumblr and TikTok to view porn. I found he’d regularly go on Chatroulette and Omegle to have sexual conversations with strangers. Then the worst for me was finding he was on Tinder for 3 fucking years of our relationship, not just at the beginning either, as though maybe he didn’t delete an old account, oh no he created a profile after we’d been together 2/3 years. I was mortified, heartbroken, sick to my stomach - all of the above. Again he used it to have sexual conversations with women he matched with.
Going back to the Snapchat, I saw he had a second email address when I logged on to his Apple account yesterday and I used that to reset the password and there it was, he hadn’t deleted it at all. There it all was in front of me. Multiple and I mean MULTIPLE conversations with every day, regular women he’d find on tinder. He PESTERED them like that fucking creepy guy you get in your inbox sometimes to send him pictures. Trying to butter them up first by calling them beautiful, messaging them sweet dreams etc at night. Saying how badly he wished he was in bed with them to wake up cuddling them ‘whilst he poked them in the back’ it was all very obvious he only saw these women as objects for sexual gratification, which is fucking disgusting I know.
Since this came out, he has started going to therapy. Has packed his PC away, deleted all his social media and all his apps, has Google family link on his phone so I can track everything he does. He gave up the job with the work colleague who sent him nudes and generally I could see he was much more present in our lives. We have 3 children together, 3 young children so it was hard at first to not give him a chance as fucked up as that sounds.
Since I found out he hadn’t really deleted the secret Snapchat and he lied about there being conversations with women from Tinder we have separated. I’m unsure yet if this can even be worked through. He’s begging me to give him another chance but I actually don’t want this, I don’t want a life where I have to worry like this. I have been fucking completely floored by this and I wouldn’t even know where to begin to start rebuilding things. Before the extra lies that were revealed last night I had started to somehow move on but I don’t know how to after this.
Thank you to anybody who has gotten this far and I know what most of your reactions will be, but I really could do with a handhold and some support through this as this man was my world. He was very much a golden retriever kind of guy, sweet, loving and kind. He always appeared to put me first, he’s nursed me back to health when I went through a major health scare a few years ago, he has been my rock. Like I said I’m devastated, totally and utterly fucking devastated.