ONS/casual fling v relationship - nearly 50.

[GreenWithEnvy76]

Approaching 50 and separated from my ex OH (very long term but never married), two and a half years now. DC’s finally appear to be adjusting, both late teens. Recently had a ONS, which I really enjoyed apart from some snide comments from jealous female friends. Given my age, opportunities not likely to come around often I guess. I wonder though whether anyone has experience of becoming single at this time of life – I’m struggling to see the benefits of settling into a relationship again at this time of life but appreciate my view might be clouded by my recent experience.

I'll never be in a conventional relationship ever again. FWB always. I've had three and they've all been different.
It's a choice and I prefer my life this way.

I think the beauty is you can enjoy dating without any pressure or expectations whatsoever. Just see where dates go, it could be a one night thing, FWB or you could end up really falling for someone, you just never know. Don't feel you have to decide in advance what you're looking for...see where the nights take you. Much more fun this way than wondering if every date was "the one" like I did in my twenties.

I think you could try being open to dating again (if you feel ready). Relationships don't have to be conventional living together/married - I know people who have a long term partner they don't live with, just go out for meals/dog walks/have holidays and spend a couple of nights a week together. You can have your own space and still date someone.

Best of both worlds. I'm not that long split from my long term partner and Dad of our two DC. But got needs to be met and can't wait around forever!

OP, only minicabs need to be pre booked in advance, go where you heart (and your fanny 😉) takes you, be it multiple lovers or a special person. Just don’t settle for second best.

Quality pickings very slim in older men though.

If you want fun sexually, you could join an app like wearex, field or another. It’s dating explicitly for ethical non monogamy, casual sex, experimenting sexually, group stuff…with social meet ups etc wrapped into the offering. Whatever you want… without all the palaver of having to do the romantic, conventional relationship stuff.

don’t write yourself off at fifty. I’m 48 and have a delightful time - much racier life than in previous decades! 😀

Love this 😀

I’m not sure I understand why you’d limit yourself to just ONS? If the sex is amazing wouldn’t you want more? And if it’s rubbish it wasn’t a good experience anyway. Agree with @StarlightLadyjust follow your heart and fanny and enjoy the experience(s)

I don’t think I’d want to be in a conventional relationship right now. I am late 40’s, been separated from father of DC for 15yrs and most of that I have been single, as in no sex at all, as I focussed on raising my DC, working, some serious health issues. DC are grown up now or almost (youngest 17) so I have become more open to dating in last 3-4yrs. I dated a work colleague for 3 months, but he is a single parent and in same boat I was in for years, few babysitters or free time.

Our paths have crossed again in the last 6 months and now we are having sex again. But nothing serious, just when he can get a babysitter. And that suits me, as I have a busy life, I don’t need a man, but we have a lot of sexual chemistry so I definitely enjoy having needs met in that respect. But without all the hassle of a relationship. I don’t particularly want to get into meeting his kids, it becoming serious etc, and I doubt he does too. My ex has introduced a new woman and her teen son to my kids and that has all been a lot of hassle, and upset. As you’d expect when someone moves someone in you’ve met twice! So I’d rather keep any relationships well away from my kids. So yes. Just enjoy some FWB’s and have some fun!!

The great thing about being older and having had your kids is that you are free just to enjoy life without expectations or the need to find the ‘one’. It is a real privilege that previous generations didn’t have. Ironically is when you are just enjoying your life that you do meet someone who wants to be on a relationship, but you don’t have to commit unless you really want to.
Make hay while the sun shines! 😀😀

Made me LOL (and spill my brew). Loving the replies TBH, didn't expect it to be so positive.

Go for it op - I’m in my 40’s and it’s been 5 years since I split with exh and have had for the most part a great time.

Ive not long split with a partner who I was on and off with for a couple of years - situation-ship probably describes it best. There’s no bad feeling it just got to a point where I didn’t want to spend my precious free time with him and that was the clue to end things.

Its exciting not knowing what the future holds and at some point I’ll go Back on the apps as have had some very fun times on there but for now I’m enjoying my peace.

One thing I’ve sadly learnt though is to be very careful who you tell things to even close friends either due to judgment or gossip. Tends to just be other people who are in the same situation that I feel I can confide in.

Thanks, yes I was judged harshly by friends (f), and they let it be known to my ex OH (kids dad), although TBF to him he was actually brilliant about it. Lesson learned from it though.

I got divorced in my 50s after a 20 year marriage. I couldnt live with a partner again. I enjoy my peace and quiet. But everyone's different.

I wish my OH had said she wanted this instead of being a serial cheat. At least we'd have known where we stood and could both have enjoyed it guilt free. Best of luck to you OP!

@GreenWithEnvy76 As a bloke, i doth my cap to you! Your 'friends ', are just jealous that you had a great night out. Simple.

I wish you the best of luck for the future and remember, don't let the b***rds grind you down!!

Take care ❤️

How did your “female friends” find out?