I'm currently living at home with my parents still as I'm a single parent and cannot afford to move out. I'd love to move out and have my own space, but money wise I just cannot afford it.
My sister was 21 when she moved out, but at that point she'd been with her partner for a while. He's a lot older than her so obviously had more money for them to afford their own place once she was pregnant etc. Since she got with him, we grew apart and although there's been many attempts I've tried to get her to do something with me, we've only ever gone out once in all those years (nearly 16 years). Her partner used to speak to me until around 13 years ago when I had depression (very young and single parent). Since then he won't even say hello the majority of the time. My family have said before that apparently his brother was depressed too and he doesn't get on with his brother now because of him being in supported living etc and going off the rails a couple of times.
Just recently I've been struggling a lot. I've been really poorly for over a month (started with tonsillitis at the end of June and haven't felt better since then - doctors think its post viral syndrome which could last a few months) and at the same time as this, we're currently waiting for my child to be assessed for what they think is autism, pda and adhd. Yes I've broken down into tears a few times, but never to anyone else. I do it when I'm alone and no-one else is around.
This week my child had a huge meltdown which very rarely happens. During these meltdowns they will lash out at me (throwing things, hitting me etc and this week they scratched my face so my eyelid at the moment is cut, but I've managed to cover this easy enough with make-up). I know when my daughter has these meltdowns it's because everything has built up and built up and she's said herself it's like she sees red but she doesn't know what she's doing until I manage to calm her down with techniques I've learnt over this past year or so.
On Wednesday evening, I was moving furniture on my own and managed to bash my finger. I'd left it thinking I'd just bruised it, but due to how painful, bruised and swollen my finger was, I went to the hospital this morning and they've confirmed my finger is broken and I've got to go to fracture clinic next week.
My sister brings my niece's to our house every Friday for us to have them overnight. During this time, her and her partner normally go out for a drink.
This afternoon, I'd popped to the shop and by the time I got home, my sister was already at the house. I walk into the house and my sister starts having a full on go at me and moaning at my child for having a meltdown the other day. Then she tries accusing my child of breaking my finger. It doesn't matter how many times I've told her I smashed my finger off the furniture, she will not listen (I've told her if she's that interested in everything I'll happily install cctv for her to watch me). In the end I've had enough and walked out in tears. She then starts shouting at me about how me and my daughter are apparently 'precious' and she's just slating me for absolutely no reason. I know I should have kept quiet, but I did say to her that her children aren't so perfect themselves. Going around swearing all the time, they won't listen to adults etc).
What makes me even more angry is that she works in childcare and she's actually SEND trained. Her own child goes to a SEND school. Considering my sister is nearly 10 years older than me, you'd think she'd be more understanding and there for me. It's infact the complete opposite and I now feel like I've lost my sister completely. (I've got no other siblings, don't go out anywhere. The last time I went out was 3 years ago to a colleagues retirement meal. It's literally just me on my own.
A few months ago I was struggling money wise as I'd had more money go out than I was meant to have go out. I was embarrassed that I was struggling. I'm not the type to ask for any help at all. She told me it was my own fault that I'm only contracted to 16 hours a week (most of the time we get more hours than this, but there are some months we're cut down to basic hours).
I feel empty, I feel lost. What have I done so wrong?
Just to add, my dad who was the one who decided to run and tell my sister about the other day, guess what? He's been outside since I got home and hasn't come into the house once. Doesn't that say something?!