Am I obsessed?

[Tarty42]

I discovered that my DH was having an affair 2 years ago with an ex. He immediately ended the relationship and has had no contact since. I have no doubt about there being no further contact for various reasons I won’t go into as they are irrelevant to this post.
The problem is I cannot stop thinking about this woman. As my DH gave me access to his phone, I have her personal and work numbers and rarely a day goes by that I don’t call them. Some days, it can be 30+ times. He has long since deleted the numbers from his phone so why can’t I let go and stop calling?
We’ve had couples therapy and I have had some additional therapy and my decision to stay with my DH has not wavered.
I can’t say that he has ‘done all the right things’ since I discovered the affair as he told a few lies to cover up some stuff but that has all been out in the open for a while.
So why am I holding on? Why can’t I delete the numbers?

Are you saying that you actually call the affair partner +30 times per day?
Yes, that's incredibly obsessive. And illegal to say the least. You could get yourself in serious trouble if she files charges.

Could you go back to indiviual therapy?
Maybe not to ask yourself whether you need to stay with DH, but to ask yourself why you have this compulsive need to fixate on her?
It sounds to me like there's still a feeling of emotional unsafety that hasn't been addressed. And somehow your mind has tricked you into believing that stalking this woman is the way to reclaim control over the situation. It would be helpful to get someone elses perspective on this.

I do want to add... it's okay.
You're doing a crazy thing, and it's still okay. Infidelity can twist a person inside out. The impact of it is massive. You're allowed to not be yourself and do the crazy thing right now. It's okay that despite your choice to stay, you haven't recovered from the shock. It's okay that you're still impacted by it. You're allowed to not be okay.

Yes you are behaving obsessively and like a crazy person. Therapy would be a good shout. Honestly if my DH cheated on me I would snap and go absolutely crazy, so no judgement.

Are you calling her and hanging up when she answers? What you're doing is obsessive and could get you into big trouble. You need to delete her numbers - just do it. What are you hoping to achieve with these phone calls?

You need to take your focus off the other woman and focus on your DHs behaviour and deception. The other woman is not as culpable as he is - he is the one who cheated on you.

Please get some therapy for yourself - What you're doing is dangerous and self-destructive.

It’s some level of harassment and I’m surprised she hasn’t reported you, I certainly would.

The only way you will be able to move forward is to get rid of the cheat.

Presumably she’s blocked you if you call her 30 times a day? I’m surprised she didn’t have you arrested.

She must have blocked you or the police would be involved.

Stop stalking her. You're going to get into shit OP. If she's changed her numbers you could be freaking out some other poor sod.

If you can't let go then you need to get rid of him.

Stop right now .you are stalking this woman.harassing her. You will get caught,and prosecuted. You will end up with a criminal record. Please just delete her number and seek therapy.you may get some sympathy on here from posters who can see why you are obsessed and behaving like this.
but if the shoe on the other foot and this was a man stalking a woman we would all be saying g that the police must be notified.
you have been lucky so far, not getting caught.but your luck will run out.
please stop

This is weird behaviour. It’s actually stalking.