I love my boyfriend but I don’t like him very much sometimes

[summerfields3]

His comments really get me down at times. I don’t think he does it on purpose though. He’s very honest and often speaks without thinking first. I guess I’m just a bit more reserved.

His latest comment was that his favourite hair color on a woman is blonde. I’m a brunette. Coincidentally , his ex wife has blonde hair. We didn’t argue about it, but I said, “Oh thanks that’s like me saying my favourite men have muscles and tattoos,” neither of which he has. He’s pretty confident, so I’m not sure if a comment like that would bother him. He said people can have preferences, which is true, but he said it was his favourite, not just that he liked it, which is different. His response was, “favourite was the wrong word, I just think it’s nicer.” 🤦‍♀️

I’m insecure about my looks. He knows this yet still makes comments like that. He’s not a bad person at all, and aside from this, he treats me very well. But these types of comments really piss me off and make me feel jealous which I hate.

So why do you love him?

Did you want people's opinions, or advice or anything?

So aside from making comments which are either spectacularly thoughtless or deliberately designed to keep you feeling insecure, he treats you “very well” ? Does he?

How long are you going to be with this twat?

Is this one of this ‘he’s a great guy we get on so well he’s caring and kind BUT……,,, threads?

He's not a great guy. Great guys have respect for their partners feelings. He's belittling you.

He’s either being really thoughtless or trying to be nasty, either isn’t a nice trait

Don't make him your Husband.
And ideally let him be someone else's boyfriend.

You're welcome.

Well that’s a stupid thing to say to his girlfriend with dark hair.

It’s a mean thing to say and he is gaslighting you when he acts like it’s perfectly innocent.

He sounds tone deaf and thoughtless, I doubt it will improve, what's he going to say when you're old and grey? That he prefers 21 year old blondes? Bin him off.

I would never say "I think blond hair is nicer" to any brunette, but especially not to my husband! It's completely tactless.

If a boyfriend said this to me, I would challenge him to understand how that makes me feel.
If he failed to understand, then he can't empathise, so for me it's over because empathy is something I need in a partner.
If he does understand but doesn't care/carries on doing it, then it's over because he's a twat.
If he understands and apologises and stops doing it, I'd keep him.

So I would recommend a proper conversation about it. Why does he do it? Does he understand that he is making you feel bad? Does he care? Will he change?

My ex said his favourite was brown. I’m blonde. I spent 3 years engaged to this narcissist and it only got worse. My advice? Leave.

I think he knows what he’s doing and I think it’s deliberate. He probably told his ex wife he likes brown hair.

I dated a complete wanker man once who told me his preference was for petite blondes, I’m 5’7 size 12-14 and half Spanish

His two females ‘besties’ were blonde 5ft nothing size 8’s - strange that!

I doubt it's thoughtless. Sounds like negging to me. He wants the upper hand. He wants you to feel like he's doing you a favour by being with you. Why do you love him? He sounds like an arse.

He's negging you. Look it up.

This.

Why on earth do you want to be in a relationship with someone you don't like (at times)?

He sounds insensitive and not particularly interested in your feelings.

I was once friends with a women who was (in her own words) "too honest" and "I tell it like it is". I finally admitted to myself that she was an utter bitch and having been on the receiving end of her 'honesty' too many times I ghosted her.

He didn't just say he likes blonde hair, he said he prefers it. This is a crass, insensitive and unkind comment as well you know. No truly caring partner would dream of saying such a thing. He's deliberately feeding your insecurity to exercise control over you and keep you in your place. He isn't a great guy, he's a nasty little shit. Are you very young OP?

I would just laugh in his face and say hard luck mate or are you telling me you’re leaving. Don’t take him seriously don’t give him the power

This