Confidence crisis or just the reality of OLD?

[rubberduck68]

I'm late fifties, a size 16-18 (14 stone). I previously fluctuated between a curvy, well proportioned size 12-14 … then I took HRT (started it years after menopause so defo HRT weight.) Came off it months ago, but cannot lose the weight. 1200 cal diets, no carbs, exercise, etc. GP said that some women just can’t lose the weight. I passed my recent health check-up with flying colours so that is good. I changed my OLD profile pics to full length ones at new weight. Not had one match since! I dress well, have a good job, nice family and friends, interests. My friends are all coupled up, and keep reassuring me that I am still lovely, which is why I want to ask on here because well intentioned friends are kind but not always truthful. I am wondering if I am at the end of the dating road with my new wide load? Brutal honesty very welcome (but maybe with a half spoon of sugar)!

Yeah, the packaging was on point, too bad the inside didn’t deliver 😬

Haha your soh has brightened my afternoon thank you!
Maybe you just need to learn from Cyrano de Bergerac after all - Roxane didn’t fall in love with the packaging, it just caught her attention: she only fell in love with the product.

What works for one person doesn’t necessarily for another… wish it did as I’ve had so much advice but have not yet found what works for me. I guess I have to decide whether to carry on online dating just as I am - and hope that in the meantime I find my diet path - and that someone will like me just as I am, or not.

Think I will @Bittenonceit’s being shown at the Swan from September so maybe I’ll get a few pointers 😉

I know someone who is very large (larger than a size 32) but she did very well online dating after she divorced. She is fun and ‘bubbly’ which I’m sure helped. She had loads of dates and met someone and married again within a couple of years. I will say she was determined and very proactive whereas I have given up. I definitely think your attitude towards it helps. She’s not the type to allow some rejections to get to her. She just kept going.

Weights weights weights!! That's my best piece of advice. Apart from hormone levels, have you thought about your cortisone levels? Stress etc all playba part here. I lasted about a week on weight loss jabs. Never again but you need to find something more than cardio. The right person will love you for who you are but you have to love yourself first. A good hair do always helps too and a tiny of your brows. I am sure the right person is there for you. The dating apps are awful but seems to be the way of the modern world.

Pointers or no - might be an interesting one (and good to see it without thinking of Depardieu!)

A friend came over this evening and took some pictures of me in a dress and heels. She is right, it's more flattering than the pics are of me that are all in jeans that's always been my look. I thought that the pic lacked perspective so we took a timed one with her next to me (she is a size 12). It looks quite nice, but I feel it is a false representation because I usually wear baggy jeans, vintage tops, trainers and a boyfriend or leather jacket. Do I post the dress pic which is quite flattering, when I will not ever show up on a date wearing one? I don't want to change my look for OLD, that seems weird.

OP, I get what you're saying BUT you said you didn't know how to dress your new shape... your friend is showing you how!

Maybe the dress was too "dressy" – I did buy it for a wedding. Perhaps I need a dress that is more casual. Any suggestions on where to find those as dress shopping is defo not my thing. Apparently the style of dress that I wore tonight is a prairie dress? I got it in Oliver Bonus because I liked the colour.

Just put pictures of you in both types of outfits.

I think if you are over 50 it gets much harder on the dating apps especially if you are female. I think men have a bit of a longer shelf life and they like to date a bit younger too.

So female in your fifties the odds are already against you and if you are overweight then yes you probably have lowered your chances quite considerably. Men won't date fat woman and woman won't date short men (or so I keep hearing).

How about meet up groups where you can do a hobby and you might meet someone. If not you learn something new and maybe meet some friends.

Ceroc is a good one if you like to dance. It's very sociable, you can go as a single person as they partner you up with someone and it's very easy to learn. There is always beginners starting so you won't feel silly and they have 'taxi dancers' who look after the newbies too. The numbers are often quite evenly matched (men to woman) and sometimes there are a few woman too many and once in a blue moon too many men. The age range is probably thirties to seventies or at least it used to be. Plus maybe it will help you lose weight! Double bonus.

I have two left feet but haha maybe I'll give that a go. I have a few friends in their fifties who are all with men their own age (who they met on apps). They avoided the type of men who want to go younger as they usually have fragile egos and just want arm candy (I am told). For something meaningful I guess you need to find a man who isn't just about how you look? Not sure how you weed those out, but I guess they will vote themselves off the island if I am not young or thin enough for them!

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m put off by pictures of multiple women where you’re guessing who’s who…