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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Twin just uses me

9 replies

MLRDaisy · 01/08/2025 09:46

I am so distressed.....I have constant anxiety sadness and physical pain due to the way my twin sister treats me. I love my sister dearly and have always seen her through any problems in her life. However if ANYONE else comes along I'm virtually dropped. She's even made friends with an ex friend of mine and told me I can't go out with you at the weekends as I'm now going out with L. This was 16 years ago. As a result I moved house to a place 20 minutes away where I had friends. A month later she was at my door as she'd fallen out with L Anyway this picking up dropping down has gone on all our lives. But now she is still living in the same place I lived with my younger sister opposite who has daughters and a grandchildren and they all get together for cuppa and chats. My younger sister has never bothered except when her husband went off and then she turned to me to get them back together then dropped again. I'm so hurt. I feel so used by everyone but my twin is where it really hurts. She now has her sons girlfriend in her life recently and once again I'm dropped. She banned me from joining the leisure club all the rest of the family go to saying she wants her own space. Recently she ignored a message I sent about a house around the corner from where she and my sister live and no response...she followed this up with dont whatapp me or call ....she did later say oh I only said that because if you're down it drags me down. I've seen her through her whole life as we both divorced and had one son. I'm feeling so hurt by all this I'm in physical pain. I'm so betrayed and used.....having been there for ever I'm now feel as an outsider...I'm 66 and single and didn't want to end up this way..help!

OP posts:
Girlmom35 · 01/08/2025 10:54

You're 66 years old. Your sisters have been hurting you, being inconsiderate and rejecting you your whole life.
And you're still so incredibly fixated on them. Why?

Please, OP, for the years you have left, stop fixating on them.
They don't care about you.
The answer to that isn't to obsess over how unjust that is and to try to get them to like you anyway. The answer is to walk away and build a life with people who are worthy of your time and energy.
You have zero control over how others treat you. You have absolute control over how much room you give these people to keep hurting you.

MLRDaisy · 01/08/2025 13:42

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Of course you're right.

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 01/08/2025 13:44

She can’t ban you from places op, stop giving her control in your life. Do things you want to do. If she asks anything of you or contacts you think do I want to speak to her? Do I want to do what she’s asking, or is there something I’d rather do? If you get anxious waiting for her call, mute her on your phone. Now get off Mumsnet and go and join the leisure centre IF you want to. She doesn’t own it.

ohsososo · 01/08/2025 13:55

Banned you? Oh get some big girl pants on and join whatever you want to join. And if she complains tell her she’s being weird.

just live your life and ignore her

OnceIn · 01/08/2025 13:58

Start doing what YOU want to do, if you want to join a gym, join it.

Seaoftroubles · 01/08/2025 14:20

OP, start by prioritising and respecting yourself. Then join that gym or anywhere else you fancy going to meet new people. Don't let your sisters exercise any more control over your life and make things happen for yourself.They sound an unpleasant pair and really aren't worth your tears.

SkintSingleMumm · 01/08/2025 14:29

Draw a line and move on without considering them constantly

MLRDaisy · 01/08/2025 14:37

True all of your responses. I come across as weak and pathetic whereas in reality I'm a very confident go getting sort of person. I just have this trauma bond with her and resentment that I did so much when she needed it just to be treated like this. It hurts
But yes I need to grow a pair where this family dynamic is concerned. Thanks all.x

OP posts:
Tablesandchairs23 · 01/08/2025 14:48

People treat us how we allow them too. Grow a back bone. Put boundaries in place. She can't ban you from places. Stop giving her control and do what you want.

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