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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Did my husband just r*pe me?

19 replies

MABIDKUsername96 · 01/08/2025 08:51

I need some help understanding what just happened. A bit of backstory, my husband and I have been together since high school and I dont recall him doing anything like this ever. We have 3 kids and im currently pregnant with our 4th. Tonight he came home from hanging out with friends and everything was going great, we ended up falling asleep. I think I stretched and something popped, feeling like I settled more into myself (pregnancy is uncomfortable) I moaned. A few seconds later my husband's arm wrapped around me and I though he was just gonna cuddle me. He started being grabby so I grabbed his hand saying not right now and placing it on my belly. It happened a few more times until he told me im not going to stop until you say yes. I kept saying no still half asleep, I rolled over to face him and tell him no but he ended up on top of me and ended up putting it in. I finally woke up and pushed him off me and said I dont want this and immediately felt unsafe, violated and gross. I ended up crying repeatedly saying I told you no and you kept going. He apologized multiple times, but it didn't sound like it really reached his voice. I asked him to leave the bed and he just ignored that and kept asking how he could make it better and that he was half asleep too. Im now trying to shower this feeling off and gonna go sleep in my daughter's bed while he is sleeping soundly like nothing happened. Did my husband rape me? Or was this a misunderstanding? Like I said before, I dont recall anything like this ever happening.. but I cant deny the feelings of being used, disrespected and violated.. not only that, but something really upsetting just happened and he falls back asleep instead if understanding what happened?! Fhat makes me livid. I dont know how to address this topic with him without laying into him or feeling like im the problem.

OP posts:
Unsmart · 01/08/2025 08:57

Yes he raped you OP.
Absolutely abhorrent behaviour especially when he knew you have his baby inside you.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/08/2025 08:57

Am very sorry this happened to you and it is not your fault; this is all on him. Never feel like you are the problem here; its him and his overarched sense of entitlement.

You were half asleep and did not give consent at any point. He raped you. If you are in the UK I would contact Rape Crisis in the first instance.

GurlWithACurl · 01/08/2025 09:00

Yes, this was definitely rape. You clearly said no and tried to stop him, but he ignored you. Please get some help from Rape Crisis or similar. I am so sorry that you have gone through this. It’s an awful betrayal. Sending a hug.

Stade197 · 01/08/2025 09:02

You repeatedly said no and pushed his hand away, he then told you he wasn't going to stop until you said yes, you said no again multiple times then he put it inside you

From what you have told us you made it very clear that you didn't want to have sex, he raped you

I'm sorry you are going through this ❤️

Cheeseplantandcrackers · 01/08/2025 09:05

You said no but he carried on so yes, it’s rape.

Do you have anyone in real life that can support you?

cowpattern · 01/08/2025 09:12

It's rape if you didn't consent.

If you want to report it, try to get him to confess first in texts or recordings.

Rape Crisis is great for support.

Francestein · 01/08/2025 09:18

Yep. I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you take your DD and yourself somewhere safe tomorrow. Be prepared for minimization and justification. He’s not going to be prepared to see himself as being like “one of those men)

Thepossibility · 01/08/2025 09:27

What a cunt he is. Sorry OP, that is bloody shocking, raping your pregnant wife!

Tillow4ever · 01/08/2025 09:36

It is rape, I’m so sorry. Which country are you in (you said tonight in your post whereas it’s early morning in the UK) and we might be able to find the appropriate support services for you. Would you consider reporting him?

anon15830201174585920220384848320204738229 · 01/08/2025 09:51

I’m so sorry op but your husband raped you. Do you feel able to report him?

He’s scum.

JustAboutMuddlingThrough · 01/08/2025 10:08

It is 100% rape

fledglingflight · 01/08/2025 10:18

Yes. If you don’t consent it’s rape. Even if you didn’t say no because you weren’t properly awake it would be rape. You did not consent. There is no lack of clarity about what happened.

Minimising such an act with the way he is behaving is also terrible. I’m so sorry.

Cucy · 01/08/2025 10:30

Sometimes there are grey areas and misunderstandings can happen.

This is not a grey area and there were absolutely no misunderstandings.

You made it perfectly clear that you did not want it to happen and he carried on - 100% rape.

You also asked him to leave the bed and he refused, which is even more disrespectful.

This is a person who you should feel 100% safe with.
How can you live and be vulnerable around someone who doesn’t respect you or listen to what you say.

I’m not sure what advice to give but your feelings are valid and I think speaking to someone like a rape charity will help.

ItIsFoggy · 01/08/2025 10:42

Yes, he raped you. You were very clear. This isn't an misunderstanding. Sorry that happened OP.

NameChangedOfc · 01/08/2025 10:47

I think you should talk to Women's Aid or similar. I think you need specialist and grounded advise.
I'm so sorry, OP. Nothing about this is remotely your fault and you did everything right.

SpryCat · 01/08/2025 10:51

His excuse will be he was half asleep but he knew exactly what he was doing, he knew you couldn’t stop him as you’re pregnant and wouldn’t scream because your DC were asleep.

Pieceofpurplesky · 01/08/2025 14:15

You told him no. He didn't stop.
Please talk to someone in real life whether that be a helpline or a friend. You need to make sure that you are safe.
The decision about the next steps is for
you to make. He will use every emotional tool he has to get you to forget and move on. That is your choice - don't let him manipulate you. This may not be the last time he refuses to listen to you.

EarthSight · 01/08/2025 16:07

You're not the problem.

Yes, it was rape, and this is a very clear cut example with no grey area to it. And he wasn't half asleep either ffs. That's just him trying to do damage control.

I'm really sorry OP. I hope you are able to free yourself of this horrible man.

NameChangedOfc · 02/08/2025 07:49

How are you, @MABIDKUsername96 ?

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