Fwb advice

[SillyMe25]

I have a fwb, I'm just looking for some advice as I'm quite new to the whole idea. Both agreed we aren't looking for a relationship.
However I'm starting to feel a bit confused, I do plan to talk to him just looking to see what others think.
We met in March and we've only met up about 10 times. He doesn't reach out or check in unless it's for sex. When I've suggested to meet he's busy for weeks on end or will say 'I'll let you know' and i wont hear from him so ill leave him be he then messages a few weeks later, and il give him a day I will be free. I've tried to plan, give days I can do but he doesn't do the same.
I used to check on him frequently every few days/ weekly but I've stopped since I fear I'm being too much so I never hear from him unless it's for sex.
I find him attractive and he knows this, he's never complimented me, so I'm feeling insecure too.
I try not to go in detail about life now for the sake he genuinely doesn't care, what's the point opening up if he's only caring and affectionate on days we meet.
I'm not into him romantically but of course I care and like him otherwise I wouldn't sleep with him, but seems he can switch off just like that, like I don't exist.
Since the last time we met I've felt very confused and insecure, and constantly waiting for a message, it makes me upset.
We never had and clear boundaries or expectations and when I've suggested that we haven't done this yet he avoids it but I don't want to come across pushy.
When I'm with him he's funny, caring and affectionate and this doesn't help then I go home thinking I've been put back on the shelf until he's ready to see me. Is this the typical 'fwb relationship'?

I’ve had FWB and this isn’t it. It’s a man using you for a hook up when it suits without the friendship.

Since the last time we met I've felt very confused and insecure, and constantly waiting for a message, it makes me upset.

Tells you all you need to know. He's not "that into you". Wishy, washy. Move on OP.

And go for an STI test, just to be sure.

A man who is really into you won't make you feel "confused and insecure".

It doesn’t seem to have much of the friends part only the benefits on his side anyway so you’re basically just a booty call / fuck buddy ! You need to ask yourself if you’re ok with that , you don’t seem to be ?

Rather than asking yourself what this is, and if it's normal, you should be thinking about how it makes you feel. You feel upset and insecure - it's not working for you and I really think you should let it go.

Doesn’t really sound like a fwb sounds more like a fuck buddy, I mean that’s ok if that’s what you want but it doesn’t sound like you are happy

I do not understand the question tbh. Neither of yiu wants a relationship, you don’t see him romantically, so what’s the problem?
In these fwb things always o e of the two falls in love though.
btw, his behaviour suggests he may be married or in a relationship

This FWB isn’t working for you. My advice is to end it, as I can’t see it getting any better.

He isn’t your friend. He is using you for sex when it suits him (and maybe he’s asked a few other ‘FWB’ before you). If that works for you then great. If it doesn’t then ask yourself why you are continuing this…

I think a FWB only works if you see no hope of a relationship. For example, I had someone who lived in his room at his parents at the age of 48, no job etc, but was nice enough. Suited me as I needed my confidence back. However id never have seen him as anything more. Here it sounds like he's your type so there is hope on your side. He doesn't see you as anything more. Id find a better one who you can rationally see as not going anywhere

This setup is just about sex if it’s not for you find another

That sounds like typical fwb to me. It sounds like you are looking for a relationship and not a fwb.

Sounds like you are looking for FwB where as he's looking for a fuck buddy.
Very different things and not working for you.

Drop him and move on - he's not the right FWB for you at all.

A fwb is someone you go out with, maybe the theatre, a lunch, a day out, meal at home and sex. Basically a casual relationship with no commitment. This is just sex for free. Are you sure he's not in a relationship and you are his "bit on the side"?

This is absolutely not a FWB situation.
Emphasis on there not being any kind of friendship whatsoever.

Right now he's nothing more than a casual hook-up, someone to scratch an itch and nothing more.
Is that what you want?

FWB situations are often complicated, but as someone who's sucessfully had a very fulfilling FWB in the past, I can say that what made it work was the actual friendship underneath. The exact same kind of friendship I would have with my best friend, where we would hang out and do fun things together and talk, except that there would also be sex. But there was no crossing over into romantic territory, there was no future being built, there was no encompassing each other into our lives in a structural way.

Your situation doesn't sound like that at all. I can imagine it's very confusing. But since he's not talking, it seems to be stuck at that level.
What are you going to do about it?

A FWB is what you want it to be. The fact you are feeling uncomfortable is not a good sign and you should dump this guy.
A FWB should be a mutual agreement, with respect and boundaries. It should feel comfortable and relaxed. No drama!!
A shared experience. Two adults having a mature all be it an unconventional friendship.

Agree with PP - this isn’t a FWB, it’s a casual shag on his terms.

If you’re feeling insecure and upset, then it’s not right for you so end it. Having a FWB should be fun and enjoyable and mutual

What you are describing sounds more like how a man would interact with a sex worker that he used from time to time. He’s got the same deal - completely detached and entirely on his terms but free of charge.

Fwb are friends. They treat each other as friends and have sex when it suits both of them

Fuck buddies are similar but the sex is the focus, rather than a friendship.

I think both involve some affection, respect and give and take. All of that is missing from the situation you’re in

You're not his friend. You're just someone he has sex with occasionally. Not the same thing at all.

You sound like you want more from the relationship. He just wants to call you up for a shag when he's at a loose end. If I were you I'd leave it alone and look for someone who's actually looking for a relationship.

You need to stop seeing him. Its clearly not working for you and will eventually affect your mental health negatively.

There’s no friendship and benefits are few and far between, making you anxious and insecure. As PP’s have said, this needs to end so you can raise your standards and find a relationship as this seems to be what you’re expecting.
And he’s using you. Stop letting him.

Deep down I think you would like more than this OP. Theres nothing wrong with that and I think sex is intimate many men can just switch off. A lot of women can't and it sounds like you could get attached to this man.

Don't message him about it. Block and move on. He could be married and have kids for all you know. It's all on his terms. Find someone else OP.

You're a booty call, OP.

If you want more than that, fine. But he's clearly not going to give it.

From what youve written, there is no "Friend' part to this, and no benefit to you either. I'm afraid you appear to just be a hook up when it suits him.