Husband lied about being with a prostitute

[MyQuaintLife]

I am torn with emotions. My husband of 2 years has just told me he slept with a prostitute a long time ago. We used to go out when we were in our late teens but broke up as we were too young, and didn't reconnect until after I separated from my ex husband 20 yrs later. He's aware of the reasons of our separation; domestic abuse and until now he has always been my safe space and best friend. I thought we'd always been honest with each other.
We were watching a documentary about prostitution and he just came out with it, telling me his old workmates goaded him into it and he went through with it and felt disgusted with himself afterwards. He says he's never done it again.
The main issue for me is that we discussed our previous sexual partners, this was important to me as my ex cheated frequently and I had an STI check after our marriage ended. I had also asked him directly if he had ever paid for sex and he said no.
So this revelation was a bolt out the blue. I didn't really know how to respond, I froze inside. This is the day after and I'm angry that he didn't tell me sooner, I feel betrayed. Knowing that he has lied and we're now married.
All I've said today is that I was shocked to learn of this and asked him if there's anything else he wants to tell me, if there are any more skeletons in his closet.
I found it very difficult to trust and love again and I don't want to throw our marriage away but I'm not sure if I can trust him again, this is quite major for me. I feel broken. Is it normal to feel this way?

I don’t know how many men use prostitutes, but if there was no market for it, it wouldn’t exist.

In my personal experience one ex told me his mates had paid for him to use a prostitute in Amsterdam for his 21st.

I found out another ex was using escorts when I was using his computer for Amazon and his search history dropped down. He said it was for a friend.

I met someone else who said he had stopped kerbcrawling because he was worried about getting caught and it affecting his professional career.

An old friend started visiting Thailand in his late 40s and is addicted to the cheap sex there ten years later.

Another old friend was caught by his wife having made bookings at two different brothels - peer pressure apparently, age 50 ish.

Add to this the men who have told me they used to date escorts.

Then OnlyFans - which leads to face to face paid meetups

The whole swinging hookup scene - I had a Christian friend who was addicted to Swinging Heaven, I think it was called.

Porn actresses are either paid or trafficked into sex so that is prostitution (or coercion)

Last time I looked at Rate My Punt it was really depressing. I was thinking of volunteering at a charity that supports sex workers.

By the nature of sex work in the UK we don’t know how many men use prostitutes because it’s not illegal to buy or sell sex, only to solicit, run a brothel, I think work in a brothel, pimp women out, or kerb crawl. Saunas and massage parlours are words used to get around the law on working in brothels.

I have had a quiet life with a professional job and these are just the men I know about.

You literally posted asking if it’s normal to feel this way
I too think you are overreacting and I have plenty of past trauma

It was long before you met, and I expect you would have not had a second thought had this being known to you when you first met.

I can get your feelings at it being withheld until now, or if you wonder if the whole story has been given.

Thanks. Most of your comments have been considerate and supportive. Some a bit judgemental and insensitive, I really hope the same thing doesn't happen to you!
I will talk to my husband again about the trust issue and hope we can work through it.

I don't think it's over reacting. I would leave my husband in a heartbeat if I found out he had sex with a prostitute. Or indeed been to a strip club. It's just a no go zone for me. Not least because of the total uncertainty whether these women are truly consenting

I agree with this.

But I also agree with this.

I’m a big believer in rewarding a person who decides to confess/tell the truth about something when they have nothing to gain (only lose). I think it shows growth and promotes honesty going forward. It’s a chance to create a space where we can be who we are, warts and all. There is also absolutely no gaurantee your next partner will be honest with you in a similar situation (or ever). I feel like so many women are a bit delusional about the mortal men they married - and then suddenly the rug comes out from under them. We’re all human and make mistakes!