please help living with a mess control freak

[lifeinamess]

first time poster and any help or advice is so needed cant beleive i am afraid to put all this down and crying,am so despairing

i have been with my h for 8 years and we split up a short time ago to have some breathing space,as he seemed better and things had improved i let him move back in 2 weeks ago and feel like i have sold my soul to the devil.we had argued constantly for months because he wouldnt get a job ,lazy and porn on the internet issues.

he is a horder .the landlord had a go at me yesterday about the mess outsisde the front door (because he piles rubbish up) and we have a giant pile of crap mostly his in the dining room 6 feet high and 12 feet long which he wont let me sort out,he has a garage full of rotting metal and junk, we have to pay 100 pounds per month for a storage unit .his friends are now beginning to see how this situation is his fault and not mine.
in our last house i bagged up 30 bin bags of rubbish ,old toys crap etc which he refusesd to let me chuck out and it sat outside for the world to see for 7 months,
in the end i had to get his parents to help me move it on moving day.
my dd aged 6 has been appalling since jhe came back i have to get out of here i feel sick with stress and dont know how to escape from this.
everything here is his or his parents gave us i could put my belongings in one suitcase so it makes more since for me and the kids to go.
i cant tell him to go or ask him to move all his rubbish as he will refuse as i was stupid enough to let him come back
i cant s;leep am on tenterhooks afraid of him ,although he has never been violent to me so i dont know why i feel suddenly scared of him
my main reason for posting was how do i get the money together to leave and rent somewhere ,does anyone have any ideas,i have no credit rating beacause of debt with him as he wouldnt work in the past.
does the council help with accomadation to rent privately.
i am so desperate any advice would help

thank you

Wow. You poor, poor thing. I can see why you want to leave. I would too.

Who pays the rent now, on your current house? If your DH is contributing nothing, surely you have nothing to lose financially if you go.

Do you have family who could help at all?

It truely sounds a miserable existence for you

My DH's best friend is a bit like this and his wife walked away. I didn't blame her.

Sounds abit extreme, but could you go to a womans refuge whilst you get your head together ??

I think the council will help with the rent of a property, but only if you claim benefits of some sort

So that's where XH goes when he claims to be working - round to your place where he keeps a spare heap of junk! I had this situation for 22 years. Still do, actually, as our house is unsellable in its current state. I just don't have the energy to get rid of it. I ordered two big skips and he managed to fill them nearly full with rocks from the garden instead of genuine rubbish. I chucked five big sacks full of wet old plastic bags on one skip the day it was collected and he was furious . It's an illness, you know, not being able to throw things away.

Sorry, that doesn't help, just wanted to sympathise.

You sound like you need help.
Hugs your way

Your DH sounds like he has a mental illness, could you talk with your GP and have him sectioned if he refuses help?

Sorry I can't post a long message. Work calls.

thank you for your messages some even made me smile for the first time today

he truly is COMPO [WINK]

i guess the truth is i am not in love with him and cant live with him and this is the main reason as he doesnt care enough for our dc to change it was so tidy and quiet without him ,well as much as it can be with 2 under 8s living here.

he is a builder when he can be bothered to work and leaves dangerous tools all over the house with no regard for the girls safety.

he is paying the rent and bills at the moment as i am a sahm,have made an appointment to see a counsellor next week to gain some help to give me some courage .

he is clinging on to our relationship like he keeps hold of the rubbish.

i am going to leave him as he is a pig and likes living like this,its heartbreaking ,put the hoover over and then this lazy slob just leaves crap everywhere.if i was a braver women i would put all his rubbish outside the fron door and set fire to the lot,
he truly cant see how upsetting he is.
i have these mental images of 20 years time of him living in a run down little house and the grandkids refusing to vist him as he is weird and grubby

i have been trying to find money sources all day to find a way to escape.
apart from mn none knows i am going to find another house for me and my girls.

my dcs deserve better he is providing them with a poor role model,

hope to have something more positive to say soon x

Keep your chin up, chicken

Lots of love xx