Partner messaging ex

[Seasonalcharm]

First time poster here.

I’m trying to figure out if I should be worried or not.

My partner who lives with me was ‘caught’ messaging his ex on instagram. He said it was sporadic, here and there and they just share a reel now and then. They split 8 years ago and live 200 miles apart. She has since remarried.

What was actually happening was dozens of reels, messages and reactions per day. Hundreds over a few months that he showed me as I asked to see what was going on.

It’s all behind closed doors, they don’t follow each other, and the interaction is out of sight. We had a bit of a rough patch as I was misled by him on the intensity of the messaging but got over it as it’s just instagram. He said he’d asked her to move on as they’ve both met new people.

I asked him at the weekend if he’d heard anything recently and apparently she was in touch at the weekend. Now I don’t know if he was being ‘honest’ or just felt that I’d seen something and he was caught out. (I hadn’t).

Does this sound fishy? It’s rocked me a bit as they were engaged. Albeit 8 years ago.

Thanks in advance.

Yes that wouldn’t be acceptable for me OP due to the volume of communication. I’d also be concerned as to whether he messages her elsewhere and you haven’t seen. If it was a couple of times a week or here and there I’d be less bothered.

Thank you. It’s quite worrying as it was all
hidden and in the shadows. Makes me sad.

I'm not on Instagram so I have no idea how it works but if they don't follow each other, how did they get in touch with each other?
Have you looked at his Whatsapp?

I’ve not looked. But you can message on instagram without being a follower.

Sometimes working out what boundaries should be in place - isn’t easy. My ex messages me, asks for advice, sends stupid reels, invites me to join her for meals, trips out - but it doesn’t mean she’s at all interested. It’s just that with a long, intense relationship, sometimes there will be a connection that is very difficult to break completely. If I was her current boyfriend I’d probably be unsettled (I’m sure he doesn’t know, which is partly why I decline the invitations), in the same way you’re unsettled now. Think you just have to accept that there’s a connection there, it will probably always be there - but it doesn’t mean his feelings for you are any less, or that he can’t be trusted.

I think it all comes down to how much you trust him and whether you can just see it as it being the same way he’d talk to for example a friend.

I think it’s just friendly. Many people remain courteous with their exes.