Get on better with DH when kids not there

[Ohdeariemenotgood]

Hi
Interested in thoughts on this. Married 26 years with 3 adult children (2 still at home). All boys. We have a good relationship and he’s very kind, good fun and hands on with the kids.

The dynamics changed during Covid when he started wfh and I was going into work. He spent more time with the children than I did. That’s continued post Covid as he’s still wfh and I’m working out of home.

i just feel there’s this slight power struggle with us when we’re with the kids. He’s a bit of an interrupter/rushes in and I have spoken to him about giving me space with the boys , space for our relationship which to be fair he’s trying to do. It does make me feel critical and resentful. He has all day and I have a small window. It makes family time feel a bit tense sometimes. We do communicate well and I have told him all of this.

I’d be interested to hear of others’ experiences as I’m sure it’s not uncommon. Thanks!

I’ve also got adult kids at home, and we’ve been on the verge of divorce for a couple of years now. I do think that if the kids didn’t live with us, we spent more time together, and were each others only company, we’d get on better.

Can you give examples of what you mean as I’m struggling to picture it. You say he’s hands on with the kids but they’re now adults so assume they don’t need this. Are they choosing to socialise/ do hobbies with their dad? How old are they?

Hi, yes he cooks for them/gives them lifts/helps them with admin etc… he just loves helping them out.

In terms of conflict -areas could be if he interrupts me/doesn’t give them time to answer me. That really annoys me but they will take his side if I bring it up so I always speak to him after the event. Also if he disagrees with me if I’m telling them off about something - he’s started doing that more since they’ve been adults. When they were little we were much more of a team. Sometimes it’s quite subtle like it feels like we’re vying for our children’s good favour/to help them out/do stuff for them. Hard to explain - I’ll try and think of more examples.

It changes the dynamic for sure. I hope things work out for you.