Would you accept the invite?

[Onionringsarenotforme]

So I always feel I’m on the edge of friendship groups. Bit of a repeating pattern in my life.

Anyway, recently on a WhatsApp chat for one such friendship group, Person A said something along the lines of “looking forward to your party Person B” .

I hadn’t been invited to the party.

Person B then messaged me directly to invite me to the party.

Do I go?

On the one hand I think just take the invitation at face value , and not dwell on the fact I was invited as a bit of an afterthought (I’m not best friends with B so wouldn’t expect to be top of the guest list or anything)

The other side of me says don’t go, I clearly wasn’t on the original guest list & B clearly didn’t want me there & only invited me because A dropped her in it.,….

What should I do? I’d like to go, but if person B had intentionally not invited me (as opposed to a bit of an oversight) then I’d hate to turn up

This kind of thing always happens to me and gets me so down.

Yes, I'd go. You're invited.

Go. Enjoy it- if it’s with people you like. Don’t over think it. B might have forgotten, that’s ok, you said yourself you’re not besties but she hasn’t left you out.

If u want to go I would. If not don't

If I wanted to, yes. What have you got to lose?

Yes, totally. If you want to be in the social group… you’ve got to go to the social events.

Absolutely go . She’s invited you . Enjoy yourself and don’t overthink things .

God sake so many people want the red carpet rolled out for invites on here these days. You’ve been invited, either go or don’t but stop the overthinking.

I'd go...
I like parties.

Take something nice for the host to enjoy post party.

Go, and be THE perfect guest. Gifts for the hosts, food if requested, charm about decor. Let them and everyone else know that you are a dream to be about.

Please don’t spend time worrying about the order or significance of the invite. Just go if you want.

Will you enjoy it? Will there be people there you can mingle with and have a laugh?

I wouldn’t rule it out, but if I was in two minds I would make excuses and be thankful for the invite. I need to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy a party!

Go
its possibly it was an afterthought but if she didn’t want you there you wouldn’t have been invited.
you say you feel on the peripheral this is an opportunity to move to the centre. Take it!

Firstly, you're overthinking B's feelings towards you, and secondly, you're overthinking what being "an afterthought" actually means.

When you host anything that isn't a small gathering with specifically invited guests - house party, picnic, birthday drinks in a pub - the nature of these things is you forget people. I host parties and almost always have to do a few batches of invites. Some people are on one platform but not another, sometimes I get waylaid midway through selecting names (sorry to my friends at the end of the alphabet), a surprising amount of time I've accidentally scrolled past someone's name.

And yes, sometimes someone isn't at the forefront of my mind because I haven't seen them in a while or usually see them in different settings or only know them through a separate mutual friend. That doesn't mean I dislike them or don't want them there. Sometimes I've invited someone in a second round of invites because if the mutual friend doesn't come, they won't know anyone... but the mutual friend has RSVPed yes.

And yes, sometimes something like this happens, where you suddenly realise, oh shit I meant to invite Onionringsarenotforme but have somehow not done so - will rectify that now because I do want her there!

Taking offence at invites is a bit exhausting. Go if you like her and want to go to a party.

Of course you should go! You won’t get closer to people if you decline their invitations, regardless of when they were given.

You don’t know that she didn’t want you to come. You only know that A mentioned it before B had a chance to ask you.

If she didn’t want you to come it’s more likely that she’s have told A not to mention it to you.

Go, have a lovely time, stop over thinking.

I know what you mean about always feeling on the outside of social groups but it could be just that - a feeling that comes from a lack of confidence or self esteem & a product of overthinking things. That is often the case for me I have realised.

Another person might see that invitation and take it at face value, go and have a good time. But someone like you or me who has that idea of themselves as being "on the outside" sees it differently.

I think you should reframe it in your head, accept the invite & just enjoy yourself. If you do go and enter into the spirit it's likely you will be included next time, if you don't go you likely won't be.

I think you should go. You said yourself that not inviting you at the same time as everyone else might have been an oversight. Go with that.

I think not going now she’s made up for her oversight would make you look a bit precious.

Another person might see that invitation and take it at face value, go and have a good time. But someone like you or me who has that idea of themselves as being "on the outside" sees it differently

This 100% @cloudtreecarpet

You should definitely go if you are interested in becoming closer to this group. Show yourself as someone who is interested in being friends and coming to social gatherings. Also, friendships build more readily if you see each other often.

Yes please do go! Person B is clearly a nice person who realised what had happened and wants to make sure you don’t feel hurt or left out. Go and enjoy / nice people have nice friends -make them yours too!