Moral support needed - staying weekend with potential new man!

[BobDowne]

Hi everyone - feeling very nervous/scared about how this weekend might go. Been single for nearly 2 years now, have met a lovely man through t'internet, met about 4 times before. Could be romance developing, I hope, not sure how he feels but I really like him! Going to stay at his for the first time this weekend. I'm trying to keep calm and keep my nerves in check, don't want to be dissapointed. Any tips?

OKay the whole internet thing can work.. that's how I met DH.
Firstly make sure you let someone know who you are with, when you should be back and where you are going.

Just have fun and stay safe.

You wil pick up on his litlle habits or comments that may be the window to bigger things in a more developed relationship, so take note now and remember thro rose tinted glases and him behaving they may not look as annoying as they might jolly well end up. Just remember them and reflect later on how you think it all went.

I'm sure you'll have a great time, just remember don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfy. Good luck

Thanks barnacle. have told friends all about when and where i'm going. He's been a real gentleman so far, like you said -the rose tinted glasses thing - i do get carried away and fall for men too easily! Must keep sensible head screwed on. He wants me to meet his best friend (female) when i get there (argh!)- no doubt she'll be checking out if i'm good enough!

Had a nice weekend but no romance dammit! Feeling rather wounded at the moment. (sad)

what happened?

It was all very strange. We got on well, he's very cuddly and affectionate, but not interested in being anything more than friends as i live too far away. Sounds like an excuse? Having said that we slept in the same bed and cuddled. Now I've never known a man to turn down sex on a plate before so I'm feeling rather rejected!

Ouch!

I feel he is being a bit unfair to you- surely he has had plenty of time to think about the long-distance relationship bit BEFORE he invited you for the weekend?

My brother has been doing internet dating/long distance for a couple of years- and he was always willing to travel for the right woman.

I'd give this one a miss and move on.

Oh dear, he sounds like a fanny-tease. They do exist and they are a nightmare (everything they say and do implies you're on course for some hot horizontal action, then all of a sudden they back off, do the 'But I just want to be FWENDS' thing and make you feel like a disgusting old slapper for having even considered a shag) they actually get off on confusing and frustrating you.
Either that or he has the sex drive of a piece of cheese. Put him out of your mind and find a new one to play with.

Thanks ladies, that helps. Yes Madamez - he said lots of very saucy things leading up to my visit, and i do feel like some desperate and ugly old trollop now. Feeling quite angry about it all this morning. Have been put off trying to play with men for now - will probably fill my house with cats instead!

This has really knocked my confidence. I feel like doing something drastic now like getting a severe haircut - that'll keep any future arseholes away. I've had a rough time with XH over the last few years and really could have done without all this.

madamez is right

his issues are his journey to take and not for you to take on board about yourself

just see it as his loss, and treat yourself to something lovely

I don't think you should take it personally TBH.

Sounds like has has issues that re nothing to do with you at all.

I can see that he might not want sex the 1st weekend you stay together- but he could have come up with better reasons, such as not ready yet, needs to get to know you better- but DISTANCE? That's feeble- he has had plenty of time to consider that and if distance is an issue for him, then he shouldn't have started it in the 1st place.

It's his loss, Bob Downe. But treat yourself anyway - you deserve
it.

That's how i feel girlnextdoor - he was the one chasing me, ringing every other day, making out he was a real romantic. It wasn't the first wk end we'd stayed together, and i thought things were moving on nicely - then he goes all cold fish on me. I told him i was feeling rather rejected and he said well don't! That's telling.

BobDowne: he may be malicious (enjoying the fact that he has confused and upset you) or he may have problems of his own. TBH he may have a small knob or one that won't pop up when he needs it to, and when it comes down to doing the business he panics. It's about him, not about you, so don't let the silly sod upset you.

Mmm - i think he has some unusual tastes sexually actually, perhaps can only get off on such things. I think i had a lucky escape really. I like sex to be relaxing and intimate and beautiful and i'm sure most women do - not being taken roughly from behind on a park bench! (that is one of the things he mentioned) God, so glad to be home now.

Bobdowne Oh I'm getting a slightly dofferent picture now (at least I think so). He suggested some types of sexual activity to you and you (either on purpose or not) let it show that you weren't keen on his ideas of enjoyable sex. So he backed off the idea of having sex with you with the 'just good friends' excuse. Which actually suggests he has slightly better sexual manners than you do: while no one is under obligation to do sexual things they don't like, there's no need to be rude about it. 'ROughly from behind on a park bench' is a way that some people would thoroughly enjoy having sex: it's not like he confessed to wanting to put a live hamster up your bottom or anything unethical.
And what 'most' women do or don't like sexually is not really the point (and you're wrong, ever read any Nancy Friday? Women's sexual tastes are very diverse) - your tastes are your tastes, not necessarily superior to other people's.

Madamez
Aren't you missing the point somewhat?
The OP has said she has had a bad time with her XH and this further rejection has knocked her confidence. Being critical about the OP's feelings towards certain sexual practices is hardly going to be helpful, is it?

TBH I get the 'feeling' that this guy has issues with sex/intimacy, whereby he is genuinely keen/up for it in his head but when it comes to the 'crunch' he is not able to see it through. Nothing to do with you or your attractiveness/ sexual repertoire. Madamez will probably disagree but in my experience, men who 'mention' sexual prefernces before you've even established a relationship of some type usually do have issues, not that they are bad people but not my cup of tea.

Dont let this fool knock you back, keep looking, FWIW I met my Dp on the internet too s it can work (had to kiss a lot of frogs first though

Thanks flaminfedup. I wasn't saying i'm against things like that, or think it's inferior. In fact I might like to try it someday, but with someone who also liked a little face to face intimacy in the first place IYKWIM

How does he have "better sexual manners" because he suggests something she doesn't like

Madamez
your post was quite judgemental and upsetting. I just wanted to point out that the talk about his sexual tastes only came up 2 days after the 'let's just be friends' chat. I think he does have major issues with intimacy and now having thought more about some of the things he said, i think he might have a bad attitude towards women generally. In fact there's something going on there that he would not talk about - an ex gf has made some allegations against him - would not say what, but clearly she's very angry with him about something he's done that she apparently wasn't comfortable with.

It sounds as though you are better off without knowing this man, consider it a lucky escape