Please let me start by saying I'm not sure if it's me that is the problem. My last relationship was very turbulent and I've been single for years, so perhaps the go slow is a me problem.
I started messaging a man I met off a dating app around February time. He had been single around 9 months, after coming out of a long relationship. This put me off, as I didn't want to be a rebound. At the time, he seemed to just want to message and not make any time to meet up. This man has his children every weekend, so didn't wish to take time away from them to meet. This brought it to an end for me, as I didn't want a pen pal.
Around a month after me pulling back, he messaged asking if I wished to meet up one afternoon, after taking his children home. I agreed to this and he suggested we go for a walk to get to know each other. We did this and it was all very pleasant. We got on well enough and I enjoyed his company. We spent around three hours together, just walking around a local park (busy and not secluded). On ending, he said he'd like to see me again, to which I agreed. We continued to message and then I seen him again that week, as I arranged care for my child. Again, we agreed to meet up again.
We continued to message to and forth, I did notice much of the conversation was "what are you up to?", then discussion about our day and kids, all very baseline. Obviously still new to each other. I then asked if we could meet up over a weekend the next time, as it would be nice to do something without having to rush home to sort out bedtime for my own children. He said he would need to arrange childcare if we met of a weekend, which I personally thought was fair, as I have to do so during the week. However, he didn't seem keen on this.
We again met up during the week, I arranged childcare and again it was another walk. Again, all very baseline. I tried to discuss common interests he'd claimed to have but the conversation was pretty flat to be honest. We said our goodbyes and went home. We messaged for another few days or so, I didn't bring up meeting as to see if he would make some effort. In the end got fed up of waiting for him to bring it up and said I didn't feel this was really right for us both, as we obviously had commitment.
I was starting to feel that I was making all the commitments with my time, due to having to arrange childcare and him never once doing so. I also felt it was getting repetitive, we'd been on three walks and it was all very much the same. He didn't really like this, saying he thought I was weird for speaking on his behalf, not really taking into account I was putting my feelings across. I wished him well and he didn't respond.
Fast forward to a fortnight ago, I have a request on my social media. It's said man. He sent me a message and as always, we got on well enough. A few days in, he mentions meeting up again. I explained I wasn't really interested, as we both seem to have different wants, however I'd like to remind friends, as we do get along. He stated that I had got it all wrong and that he would like things to go further. I was honest about how I felt the last time we were meeting, and he agreed he could make more effort. With this, I agreed to meet again. I didn't push for a date, and have allowed him to bring it up. He has eventually asked if I'm free on Sunday evening, once his children return to their mum. I did note that I would be arranging childcare again, not him. When I asked what did he have in mind, he said "maybe we could go for a walk?" Personally, I'm a bit fed up of the walks now. I do this all the time with my kids and dog. I'd like to do something more productive or interesting.
I've told him I'll get back to him, as again I'll need to arrange childcare. I did mention when he suggested meeting up again, perhaps we could do something a little different, we both love history, so perhaps we could go to a museum or something. In my mind, the date would still be free, as I feel some of the free walks etc, may be because he has three children and the current climate is tough for all of us. I would be more than happy to take us out any other time however, I feel cautious that I am the one who would be footing the bill all the time, as he so far hasn't offered to buy me so much as a coffee.
I'm starting to feel like I'm being breadcrumbed. I feel he keeps conversations ticking, and does the minimum amount to keep me on the hook. He passed a remark that I don't message enough but I just can't talk about the same thing over and over and over again; what are you up to, the kids are having chicken nuggets for tea, the weather isn't great today. We've been in contact for months on and off, and the conversation has never really gotten interesting or in depth about anything. It's a shame because I can tell overall, he has good morals and he's a brilliant dad, things I'd usually look for.
I'm not sure what enjoyment he's getting here either, because I feel it's so boring. Should I meet once more and see how it goes, or should I just put it down to we are two different kinds of people and wish him well for the last time? I feel like I'm being too demanding, but then feel I'm worth making some time for and maybe even a pint in a local pub, seems how he does this enough with his brother during the week.