Hi, just wanted to try and get some perspectives on this if possible please?
I split with my husband last month after a period of emotional/mental abuse that went on from January of this year until he left. We were together 7.5 years and looking back, there were a lot of red flags that I either chose to ignore or just missed completely.
For most of our relationship, he was a good partner - attentive and loving but maybe a bit too clingy. he had no real friendships of his own and no family relationships. I was basically the centre of his world.
Last year, he revealed to me that he had been hiding £15K of credit card debt whilst we were in the middle of a re-mortgage (he had his hand forced by the broker in owning up) then a few weeks later he lost his job. His official line is that he was made redundant but more on that later. I had a complete nervous breakdown: we were coming to the end of our mortgage term which meant going onto the lender's SVR (£550 to £950 a month) just and this huge debt revealed to me and now down to one salary. I was really unwell. He got another job fairly quickly and I thought that things were going back to normal. We took out some extra money on the re-mortgage and cleared his debt. We had a nice rest of the year.
Then in January this year, he just completely changed, pretty much overnight. The abuse started off small and escalated to full gaslighting, shouting at me whilst I was distressed, shouting at me in public, goading me into a reaction until I snapped a couple of times, stonewalling me and the real kicker - accusing me of being abusive. He complained that I hadn't been interested in sex with him - what did he expect? My body and brain were recovering from a breakdown? He also tried to stop me from seeking support from friends.
He eventually left when I found months worth of gross text messages to another woman on his phone. He calmly walked out and I haven't seen him since and he as just abandoned me, our home, our dog and my son who saw him as a second dad.
I also discovered that he had actually been fired from his job last year for bullying two women in his office. I messaged one of them on Facebook and apparently there is a documented file on him and his behaviour. I'm reeling and I just don't know who I've been living with.
I have really been struggling since the relationship ended. I am constantly on edge/high alert. Even the dog barking sets me off into uncontrollable crying, I am having anxious dreams about what has happened, I shake and sweat if I go to any of the places that he abused me in, I feel like I am living in a bubble -watching the world from inside it.
I had an assessment with an NHS psychological well being practitioner yesterday and she screened me for PTSD and I scored 70 out of 80. She referred me for CBT but said that the NHS don't offer counselling for trauma and she then just emailed me a list of other services to try for counselling, I've contacted some of them and I have to pay to access them. He ahs left me struggling financially and I don't know how I would afford this. I just don't feel like this can be right? That I am left to figure this out for myself? I feel so alone and fearful.
Does anyone have experience of this please? Thanks for reading.