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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Single parent and debt

16 replies

Carol52 · 30/07/2025 11:50

Firstly I really don’t want any nasty comments . I know everybody has a view and I am not going into full detail but please try and be respectful.
i am a single mum of two .
i have started back at work after caring for a relative for 15 years and it was hard.
my partner cheated on me and moved out. We have tried to move on but I will never live with him.He wants to be with me and he is always around and we do things as a family.
He is now well off and to be fair does give maintenance it has not gone up in 4 years .
I am really struggling financially . I have sold some of my jewellery to make sure my children had theirs school holiday paid for and other things.
i am just getting into debt and without me telling their dad he knows I am struggling.
Because he gives me maintenance he never buys anything else for them.
He comes to the house all the time and I have asked him to help with d I y. I had a leak in the bathroom 6 months later he is still doing it. I am getting g depressed but he says he works doesn’t live here and will do it when he can.
i am struggling financials and getting really anxious . Any advice

OP posts:
PaperMachePanda · 30/07/2025 12:04

If his money has gone up he needs to pay more. Speak to him about it or ask the maintenance service to re-assess.

As for everything else, such as the DIY, I'm with him on this. He's busy. Get a plumber in.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/07/2025 12:05

I would urge you to contact
Stepchange as they could be very helpful.

Are your kids maintenance payments made via the CMS?.

Tallerandtall · 30/07/2025 12:05

@Carol52

oh Carol sorry to hear it’s hard.
with the cost of living increase over the last years can’t you ask him for an increase say 15%? 20%? Inflation has been at least that since 2020!

Original poster
Carol52 · 30/07/2025 12:13

I have tried to ask him about the payments going up in a way of a hint and he has completely ignored me. Regarding the he works and busy. He comes round all the time sits there on his phone watching television etc. I just think he could help out abit or just don’t come down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carol52 · 30/07/2025 12:13

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/07/2025 12:05

I would urge you to contact
Stepchange as they could be very helpful.

Are your kids maintenance payments made via the CMS?.

No he gives me direct himself

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 30/07/2025 12:17

He should see them at his own place. You should go through the CMS so it’s official. He should provide what they need at his house. You should pay for help you need like plumbing.

It all sounds very fuzzy, it must be very confusing for the children. Create some proper boundaries between you that reflect your separate households. And as he cheated on you I hope you’re not dating or sleeping with him, he doesn’t deserve you.

Original poster
Carol52 · 30/07/2025 12:40

It is complicated. I have no other family so part of me does not want to be completely alone but he has no worries at all but can see and hear when I give little hints I am struggling. I cannot afford a plumber I am living month by month. The stress is awful

OP posts:
AntikytheraMech · 30/07/2025 13:03

It's not his job to fix your plumbing if he's not living with you / you are separated.

PositiveLife · 30/07/2025 13:05

Carol52 · 30/07/2025 12:13

No he gives me direct himself

Show quote history

Is it calculated by the CMS?

If not, it's worth raising a case with them. He can still pay you directly but it will be revised each year based on his income.

Freshair87 · 30/07/2025 13:06

Have you checked the entitled to website to make sure you’re claiming everything you’re eligible for? Also use the cms calculator to work out what he should be paying incase that’s less than what he is currently paying

Gothamcity · 30/07/2025 13:08

He is keeping you in this position and not helping out more in the hope you'll cave and have him back. Set firm rules and boundaries and make sure he knows it is his child going without if he fails to support them properly. Do you work op? If not, look for a job and tell him that childcare will have to be sorted out fairly between you both. Good luck.

Skybluepinky · 30/07/2025 13:20

Go through official channels to get maintenance amounts sorted, don’t hint it’s pointless.
Do any jobs around your house yourself or pay someone.

SkintSingleMumm · 30/07/2025 13:21

Have you checked what benefits you are entitled to?

do a new check on cms website to bring that up to date

re debts, could you consolidate and move to a 0% interest credit card temporarily to help you pay it off without extra charges?

idrinkandiknowthings · 30/07/2025 13:30

PaperMachePanda · 30/07/2025 12:04

If his money has gone up he needs to pay more. Speak to him about it or ask the maintenance service to re-assess.

As for everything else, such as the DIY, I'm with him on this. He's busy. Get a plumber in.

I disagree. They may not be a couple any more but he's under an obligation, surely, to help maintain the property for the children's sake? OP is also struggling financially so probably can't afford a plumber.

If he's got the time to come to the house and sit watching television or on his phone then he's got the time to fix the leak which he's been promising to do for months.

OP, if he's not prepared to increase your maintenance then I agree with others - go through the proper channels. Makes my blood boil this; I didn't get a single penny in maintenance from my DD's father for 12 years.

Original poster
Carol52 · 30/07/2025 18:58

SkintSingleMumm · 30/07/2025 13:21

Have you checked what benefits you are entitled to?

do a new check on cms website to bring that up to date

re debts, could you consolidate and move to a 0% interest credit card temporarily to help you pay it off without extra charges?

Yes I am not entitled to anything else . I still get a little uc because of my wages.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carol52 · 02/10/2025 17:39

AntikytheraMech · 30/07/2025 13:03

It's not his job to fix your plumbing if he's not living with you / you are separated.

No it’s not his job but he could help he comes around all the time and most weekends if he doesn’t want to take the kids out then he should help be in the house. Not just sit there

OP posts:
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