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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How Long Does It Take To Be Okay 😅

2 replies

ThisMintWasp · 29/07/2025 21:31

In a bit of a rut at the minute and just need some advice on how to accept the breakup of a relationship, how to move on and how long it's taken for everyone else to move on mentally not in terms of other relationships.

So I just need a little vent so please bare with me, if anyone reads thank you!

So my partner and I were together for two years and living together, he had been around since my daughter was about 1 until about 3 and a half, our relationship wasn't the greatest, it was a lot of me crying and trying to get him to comprehend how I felt, and him chucking it back as to the things I did wrong from months prior which had already been addressed / never got told I had done anything wrong until these moments, rather than trying to understand what he was doing to me, he was a bit of a personallity vaccum and other people struggled to be in the room with him because of it.

He barely put the effort in with me and wasn't terrible with my daughter but not amazing if that makes any sense? When any of these situations were addressed it just turned into arguments and yet again, me crying and feeling like my feelings were being dismissed. But there was always 'I will sort it out' or 'I will go counselling and be better for you both' but then after a week or so would go back to normal.

Now I know I have made the right decision, as I am no longer crying everyday trying to put the effort in, or getting him to learn how to communicate and basically be his counsellor and my daughter and I don't need that in our lives.

But, I'm just annoyed at myself right now for still missing him and getting flashbacks of the small percentage of good times and being reminded of him and wondering if he cares, or why things have gone this way and why it was so easy for him to cut us out of his life, whilst she still cries for him at night sometimes which honestly kills me and I feel like such a terrible parent for putting her through all of this.

For context, it's been like 9 weeks since the breakup which I know isn't that long but the relationship had been dead for a while before I cut it off, so I am just wondering if anyone had any experiences like this on what to expect or how to make it easier for myself in this situation please, I know I am being dramatic about it all really but any words of wisdom would be much appreciated x

OP posts:
itsnotalwaysthateasy · 29/07/2025 22:01

I would write a list about the reasons that you split up, to remind yourself if you get a bit weak..
I would write a list about the things that you require in a relationship, so you know what to seek next time.
I would forgive yourself that if didn't work. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and it will come along. There's nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself right now.

livelovelough24 · 29/07/2025 22:16

It takes time. I decided to leave my exh after twenty five years of marriage and while I never regretted it nor did I ever miss him, I was devastated. I grieved and suffered a lot for a very long time. I would say that it took me a year to feel better. Hang in there, keep busy and do not allow yourself to think about him too much.

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