My DH and I have been together for 13 years and have one child. Since becoming a mum, and weirdly (maybe just timing) since the COVID pandemic, I feel like something in me has shifted - the best way I can describe it is that I’ve gone a bit numb in our relationship.
After giving birth, my sex drive completely dropped. I was exhausted all the time, barely able to find energy for myself, let alone for intimacy. For a while, I actually felt quite repulsed by the idea of sex, even by physical affection from my husband. That has definitely eased over time, but the feelings still come and go, and I don’t fully understand why. Realistically, I’d be fine having sex once every couple of weeks. When we do have sex (usually a couple of times a week), it’s actually good, but it takes a lot to get me into the right headspace, and honestly, I often just feel like I’d rather go to sleep. My DS likes to make it long and sensual and I don’t know how to say can we maybe hurry it up?! Sometimes I catch myself tensing up or even wincing when he tries to kiss or cuddle me. Occasionally, I avoid going home during the day while our child is at school because I dread the idea of him initiating anything when I’m not in the mood. In the evening after our child is in bed we tend to just sit on the sofa and watch TV, sometimes I feel we don’t really have deep discussions or major discussions about anything tbh. Something odd happened a few days ago when a friend realised I hadn’t told my DH a story and the friend turned round and said ‘do you two not talk?!’ This really hit a chord with me!! Despite this, I do love him. I don’t know what I would do without him I would miss him greatly, he’s a great dad, and we’ve built a really good life together; financially stable, well-travelled, socially active. As a family, we’re happy and have a lot of fun.
I am a chronic over thinker and wonder if I just need to go with the flow and relax. But it would be interesting to get some outside perspective: is something missing?