Dating in your 40s: No time for swanning about!

[Cyngetchick]

Why is it men are so wired this way?

Examples, not in order:

1. Likes me and respects me, wants to get to know me, listens to me and chats with me, makes plans with me, will only have sex after marriage. I remain friends, though try to keep minimal contact now as to not give him the wrong idea that I am interested in being a relationship as we are incompatible in more ways than just sex, a nice friend though.

1. Likes me and we had a good laugh, have quite a bit in common, messages me once a week though takes no action to meet, almost as it initimated by me and I now realise is too immature for me. I decided to friendzone.

1. Breadcrumbs: professed to like me, love-bombed me, made plans and then cancelled last minute twice, triangulation and other weird and red flag, controlling and coercive behaviour that I saw though. A classic sociopath.

1. Likes me, is soft with me, we get along well, but is worried about being viewed as a simp and the fact I come with a history I sense (fair dues) but so does he. This one I really liked, but have gave as much energy as he did me.

No, no, no. This is why I'm single. For a decade.

Any insight?

Yep. Pretty much sums it up - there’s just one stereotype missing….. the one who seems really lovely, you gel, you meet after a few weeks (not too long but have made effort to get to know them a little and like what you see) and then when you do meet they suddenly, from nowhere, suggest that you take a pee on their face, or tell you they’d like to ride you from behind with their massive sword. Which is very much NOT massive, the bulge might appear to be pretty average, but by that point major ick has been induced.

No insight here…. Just in agreement with you and can’t quite get my head around it myself.

I met a lovely guy, really nice. Met up again. Then in messages over next couple of weeks he seemed to suggest I’d been ‘gagging for it’ and enjoyed being bounced around my house. Thing is we hadnt even slept together so not sure who he was confusing me with!

A lot of men are choosing to remain single too. For sure.

I do sense that being confident about who are, how you look and what you bring to the table, and a bit unconventional in any way, puts many men off as much as I know full well it attracts them too.

I know I'm a catch, but I'm in no way arrogant about it. I'm also past having babies, so that is another factor.

The older we get, the more people we meet are single for a reason. So we’ve got to filter loads! My only insight is that you’re capable of spotting red flags, and not emotionally investing when there’s something not right: There are too many threads on here where women have ignored warning signs, hoped things would get better, allowed things they’re uncomfortable with: So it’s good to read one where those things aren’t going to happen. Keep filtering. He’s out there somewhere. Just keep sifting the chaff…

I avoid men in their 40s, as they either:

-don’t want anything serious as they’re just out of a longterm relationship
-have a TONNE of baggage (kids, ex-wife)
-never found a girlfriend/settled down, but it’s obvious why
-perpetual players / fuckboys

My advice is to do a Sienna Miller and go younger. 👍