DH pornhub account

[Mel747]

Hi MN
Long story short with the news recently showing that you now have to verify yourself to access pornhub and other sites, I was curious to see if DH had an actual account on there. I already know he probably watched pornhub during our marriage occasionally but it used to be a site where you could access anything without actually making an account. I’ve used it myself.
I put in his email address and it sent him a password recovery. I said to him “ Ha so you a have an account with pornhub then?”
He immediately denied it then said yeah maybe I’ve signed up in the past, I’ve had email address for 15 years. We’ve been together 6 years. So yes he could have made the account years ago before we met and it just stayed on there. But I know that having an account means you can message people, like people and all that stuff so I’m going paranoid. I stupidly asked him to open up the account and show me and he refused to go into it saying this was all ridiculous and in his own privacy he’ll delete the account. He’s either embarrassed about something he did in the past and doesn’t want to hurt me or there’s something he’s hiding? I’m leaning more towards he’s embarrassed but it’s niggling at me. I know for sure he’s not a porn addict or watches porn, we have an active sex life, works a lot and is either at work or with us (2 kids) He’s not secretive with his phone so I could access it if I wanted to, I know the passcode etc But I don’t know what to do.
Any advice ?

You sound ridiculous, paranoid and intrusive. Unless there’s a drip feed coming and you’ve got reason not to trust him of course

I think it’s a gross invasion of privacy when you have no reason to believe he’s done anything wrong. I wouldn’t want a partner to see what type of porn I watch because it’s embarrassing and no good can come of it.

Leave the man alone, its private.

I think you are being intrusive and over the top here

Stop being so controlling.

This is less about his account on Pornhub and more about your own insecurities. Work on those.

This.

Not everything is to be shared.

What an insane thing for you to do to the poor man.

Woah you’re crackers.
I feel sorry for your husband.

1- you yourself said you at some point used the site

2- if he has used it then so what? Nothing wrong with it

3- how cringe confronting him like that. Poor bloke

4- you clearly have trust issues

Your post is a bit all over the place.

You say you know he has used it during the marriage but are also sure he doesn't because of work and being at home. You aren't joined at the hip presumably? You sleep? He takes showers?

I'm no fan of it but what do you hope to achieve here? What do you want the outcome to be? What do you actually want advice on?

I'm totally against porn and wouldn't stay in a marriage with a porn user .
BUT if you have used porn yourself and obviously have no problem with it then you are being a total hypocrite.
And it sounds really ott unpleasant behaviour to hound your H over this just because you want to.

I disagree with everyone, I don't think there should be a big secret on that side of things between couples.

Jesus.

He's a grown man. Yes he'll watch porn, and some of the porn he watches might not be to your taste. It doesn't mean anything about the state of your marriage. I have a great sex life with my handsome DH, but watch porn.

The only shocking thing about this is that your husband hasn't got sorted with a VPN. We've got one for all devices in our house for about £60 for the year, and setting it to Albania means we don't have to pass ID checks.

What are you going to do, access the account and analyse every video hes watched from the past 15 years? You sound very odd op. Are you ok??!

Do you think it's OK to go snooping? Do you think it's ok to invade people's privacy?

I’ve no reason to not trust him, I know it feels like an invasion of privacy to go through his phone I wouldn’t be happy about doing it but it’s just niggling me for some reason, since it came on the news.
When I say he doesn’t watch it etc I mean he isn’t addicted to it and isn’t trying to hide an addiction, I’d know that. Theres just a part of me, which could be an insecurity that wonders if he’s made the account while we were together. I googled why someone would need to make an account and it’s basically to save favourites, add friends, comment etc. I don’t mind porn, if it’s occasional and we have a good sex life, but the other things like commenting on videos and interacting with others on there etc would be a big no for me.

I’ve no reason to not trust him, I know it feels like an invasion of privacy to go through his phone I wouldn’t be happy about doing it but it’s just niggling me for some reason, since it came on the news.
When I say he doesn’t watch it etc I mean he isn’t addicted to it and isn’t trying to hide an addiction, I’d know that. Theres just a part of me, which could be an insecurity that wonders if he’s made the account while we were together. I googled why someone would need to make an account and it’s basically to save favourites, add friends, comment etc. I don’t mind porn, if it’s occasional and we have a good sex life, but the other things like commenting on videos and interacting with others on there etc would be a big no for me.

I think you are bonkers . This is the EXACT sort of thing (of very few) that should be kept private in a relationship FGS if he is forced to share this - stuff he has a wank to -then where the fuck do you find privacy !

I know for sure he’s not a porn addict or watches porn, we have an active sex life, works a lot and is either at work or with us (2 kids) He’s not secretive with his phone so I could access it if I wanted to
So what are you upset about and why were you trying to catch him out anyway ("Ha so you a have an account with pornhub then?”).

Imagine what his post about this would be.

I'll get straight to the point, I've watched porn sometimes over the years. I know for some of you that's a deal breaker on it's own and I respect that but what is relevant here is that my partner has also used the same websites.
I love my partner and don't know what I've done to cause any doubt- I am always with my family when not at work, our sex life is great and I've never hidden my phone - my passcode is not a secret.
My partner used my email address to request a new password to pornhub, and acted like I had been caught out - but we both already know the other has used it! Now I'm being asked to log in to prove I'm not messaging anyone. I'm hurt by the lack of trust (and also that anyone would think I'd fall for the scammers that would make up 95% of "women" messaging men on there anyway!). I'm worried- you always see people say cheaters project by accusing their partners of cheating don't you?

Jesus Christ I’d hit the roof if DH did that to me (although I don’t have an account). Masturbation is an intrinsically private thing. Asking to view that account is a big invasion of his privacy. He just won’t want you looking through his favourited videos etc or his video history. If you’ve no reason not to trust him, you have no reason to think this is anything nefarious.

I think you need to apologise to him!

I agree.

I think this post might have backfired somewhat for the OP! Even I wasn’t expecting these responses, although I totally agree with most of them.

i don’t have a PH account but i do have lots of dormant accounts that i never use for other sites and apps etc.

id be furious if I was your DH, and the trust between us would be gone. If you were anti-porn, and you made that clear to him then yes, it’s an issue, but you aren’t and you watch porn yourself so you can’t have it both ways.

It's your relationship op you both get to decide the boundaries together. However if you want different boundaries than the other one is happy with you may have to sit down and look deeply is this a relationship you feel happy in. Do you feel chosen seen appreciated. Or do you feel you are settling? Unable to be heard and respected from where you are coming from.

Over time your boundaries may change and that's perfectly acceptable. You do need to communicate this with your partner.

We live in a very strange society that readily accepts partners (men particularly) entitlement to seek sexual gratification From others usually as long as its on screens and not in real life. To look at another's phone is seen as this massive sin and invasion of privacy. But it's a grey area that is deemed by society strange and controlling to talk about with your partner. Yet if you was to somehow find out your partner was lusting over your next door neighbours only fans page the grey area becomes tricky.

Firstly sit down by yourself and figure out what boundaries you want in your relationship. Has the trust been broken? Are you looking for reassurance? Have your views on porn changed? Do you feel your partner will tell you the truth?

Then You could sit down with your partner , tell them how you feel and discuss both your boundaries. They could well turn around and say ah I didn't realise how you felt about this what do you need from me to feel safe on this matter? Because porn is utterly unimportant to me and I don't want it to come in the way of our wonderful relationship and sex life.

Its your life op you get to choose what you want your relationships to look like.

In my marriage there is no pornography use. We have open phones, we talk about everything, everything is on the table. There are no secrets. It is so freeing and sexually, wonderful. We are eachothers full focus. That wouldn't work for everyone and that's fine but anything is a option if you both want it.

What do you actually want from this?

What will you do if you find out he did make an account? Leave him?
You’ve got two kids to think about. Just back off & let sleeping dogs lie - nothing good is going to come of it either way.

Christ @Mel747 , are you really willing to blow up your entire relationship just to see what kind of porn your husband masturbates to?

Either porn itself is a hard boundary for you, which it doesn't sound like it is, or it's not, in which case you're invading your husbands privacy massively by wanting to go nosing around his porn stash.

And it's highly unlikely he's using pornhub to comment on videos or talk to other people. Very very few people actually do that, for a start you need a free hand, which kind of goes against the point of the site!

You have no reason to suspect your husband of doing anything untoward but chose to poke him with a stick to see how he would react! What a stupid thing to do.

You've now put his back up and could well put him in the mindset of, ‘Well, if she thinks I’m cheating, I might as well be….’