To buy a house with DP or not. What would you do?

[FlymetoReno]

I have a small-ish mortgage on my very small house. Live here with my DC (16 and 11) and DP is here 4-5 nights per week.

DP (of 7 years) rents. We haven't moved in together yet due to my house being too small for his DC to stay in (and I didnt want to move my DC into rented). His DC live an hour away (mum moved away after they split to live with new partner) and rarely come up now preferring to stay at their mums and are v busy with social lives/school/jobs etc. DP goes down to see them very often.

My house is so small (typical Yorkshire terrace with front door opening straight into living room). It has inadequate storage. Tiny kitchen and no dining room so can't even have a sit down family meal. I don't have any visitors round (we do xmas day etc at DP's house). My younger DC is growing like a weed and will soon outgrow his tiny box room.

I am very risk averse, a gargantuan overthinker and also very unromantic and probably more than a bit cynical (child of a horrendous marriage) so I dont see the world from a hearts and flowers standpoint

..however....

I truly love DP. He is kind and dependable and generous. He makes me laugh every day. My DC adore him. He is supporting me through ongoing health issues which mean we don't currently have a sex life which has been hard for us both but he's been amazing. He's a thoroughly good man.

Both of us want a bigger house that we can live in as a proper blended family. I want a hallway. I want a decent size kitchen with a proper dining area. I want a cat (DP wfh so this would finally be doable). I want cupboards ffs!!

The plan would be to use my equity as the deposit (which I would ringfence) but DP would be bringing more to the table affordability-wise. We're currently paying more in my mortgage + his rent than mortgage repayments would be on a decent house in this area.

I keep having doubts that I'm risking my childrens security by considering this. I always said since splitting with DCs dad that I didn't want to be financially entangled with a man again. What if DP leaves me or drops dead and I can't afford the new bigger mortgage. I'll have sold my wee house for no gain and might not be able to afford to buy again. But then I feel that this kind of thinking is keeping me stuck where I am living half a life in a tiny house.

What would you do if you were me?

I'd buy a new house without hesitation.

I don’t think you should. This post says you’re not certain and there’s doubts there, the fact you said you wouldn’t ever again says it all.

Maybe you’ll feel ready another time.

You can protect yourself with mortgage insurance and a proper agreement

is there an option where you can keep your house and rent it out?

dependinf on potential rent you could take out say 75% of the value and use that as equity

people on mumsnet freak out about being a landlord but if you do it sensibly it can be a great investment and solve a lot of your worries (but wait for the freak out …)

Make sure you ring fence your money but with added interest/ % growth of the house. You don't to want to just get the same out if you split, it should increase in value like the property.
Buy as tenants in common so if you die you can leave your half to your children and he his in trust to his.

Romance is overrated sometimes, good solid financial & legal advice can you will enjoy the bigger house.

Question - will his children want to visit/ stay or are you buying extra bedrooms for them to sit empty ?
Before deciding you both need to agree on bedrooms needed and sizes given to those living in the house all the time over weekend visits. See that a lot of here where this raises its head.

How old are dp's children ? as if they are already busy with social lives and JOBS then I don't see them staying very often at all. Is dp looking at this thru rose tinted glasses ?

DP's DC are 17 and 14. The oldest has just started a part time job.

We wouldn't be buying somewhere with extra rooms for each of his DC as we simply wouldn't be able to afford a house of that size and his DC are up here so infrequently that it would be a waste of money. DP accepts this now although it's been hard for him to adjust to them not wanting to come up here. They're huge homebodies and v close to their mum.

We'd be buying a 3 bed, maybe with a sofa bed in a den kinda set-up or if they came up when my DC were at their dads they could sleep in one of their rooms. We could maybe stretch to a 4 bed ( on a less good street).

A lot of good advice. Thank you.

A lot of my wobbling is being caused by my doom and gloom mother who hates anything that changes the status quo and seems to not want me to try and improve mine and my kids quality of life. But that's a whole other thread........