Think my marriage is over

[krne]

We've been having issues for the past couple of years and I will admit, a lot of it down to my insecurities (he was the cause of those insecurities mind you).
We've been plodding away fine for the past few months but anytime I try to discuss any issues with him, he argues, the conversation ends and nothing is ever resolved.

I'm going to have to cut this shorter but this weekend he really upset me just before going on a night out - we didn't then end up going and had an argument. A while later, I was sitting by myself and noticed comments by him on a girl from his works social media. I know I shouldn't have asked him about it at the time because he was already in a mood but I did and he absolutely blew up, screaming at me and storming out the house. That was at 8pm on Saturday night and he only just came home at 6.30am this morning.
He is in a worse mood and saying our marriage is over and calling me awful names, being extremely emotionally abusive and not engaging in any sort of adult conversation. He always thinks he is in the right and there's no getting around that.

He's adamant that I need to leave our home and stay with my parents as he hasn't anywhere else to go and that if he leaves, he will have to pay for a hotel and we can't afford that. We have 2 kids, 13 & 16 and I obviously don't want to leave them but I'm very stuck with this housing situation . I could not afford to take this house on by any means (I couldn't afford to take on any other one either!). I also don't want my kids to have to move out of here as it is our/ their dream home.

I think I am resigned to the fact that we are done and as someone who cries quite often, I have not shed a single tear this weekend but I just don't know where to go from here. We've been together 25 years and he's literally all I've ever known but I've had enough of being walked all over. I'm not ready to tell anyone irl yet but just really wanted to get this off my chest.

• Mumsnet or anyone else, Please do not post this on social media - I always see posts on Facebook and hate the thought of this being shared further 🙏🏻

Yup, you are right – it's over. Time to have a preliminary chat with a solicitor to see what the next steps are. Your children will survive leaving your dream home if it comes to it.

Yes you need to get legal advice ASAP to see what you are entitled to.

Although divorce is a traumatic life event it sounds as though you will be much happier when you come out the other side OP.

You just need to stand up to him, ignore his shouting and just tell him you aren’t going anywhere and if he wants to leave then he needs to sort his own living arrangements. Dont buckle because that’s what he wants you to do.

sounds like your marriage is coming to an end though.

Ignore his bullshit. Have one session with a good solicitor to find the way forward.
Is the house owned or rented?
You can do the divorce entirely online, I did. Fill in the paperwork and serve him.

House is owned but the issue is that it is a self build that isn't quite finished yet so hasn't been signed off.
I have ignored his shouting, even when he was right up in my face and I think this proves to me that I've had enough as I always try and reason with him but I think I'm done.
It sounds ridiculous how much this house is bothering me though, I really don't want to take it away from my kids. It took many years to get where we are and I feel like I'll be ripping that away from them. Even if he keeps the house and we share custody of the kids, he wouldn't be able to afford to buy me out.

As a child of a highly abusive and violent parent I'd have given my right arm to leave and live in a cheap rented bedsit with just my mum rather than cowering in fear in my bedroom 24/7 in our luxury home for years.
Kids don't care about houses. They care about being loved and not having to live in a horrible unhappy environment.

Kids don't care about houses op. You do.

Get the house signed off. Sell it. Split the profits and go and buy/rent somewhere else. You kids will be happy their mother isn't being abused any more.

OP says sex waned before their twenties, so I don't think children and their care needs was the main reason their sex life stopped...it seemed to have started before that.

Why get married if this was the case? This situation isn't fair to anyone and you two would be better apart.

Regardless of who is right or wrong, stopping sex should not be a unilateral decision. Both spouses need to communicate. You don't seem to have done that at all OP. As to your husband, I suppose his letter was a poor attempt at opening up but really, you two sound fundamentally incompatible.