I need support please

[Ineedadvicepleasesorry]

Currently sitting in a tent on a 'family' holiday. Just turned 6 yr old and just turned 1 year old sleeping soundly.

Husband is somewhere!

He disappeared earlier on at 9pm, arriving back at about midnight. Numerous ignored calls and answered calls later! Then proceeded to sit up drinking and listening to music, despite me telling him to turn it off. At 2am I told him in no uncertain terms to shut up!

He came into the tent and picked his keys up, and I asked him what he was doing. He said just checking where his keys are. I must have fallen to sleep for 20 mins, because he is now not here.

I managed to get him to answer the phone and he said he had taken the dog for a wee (the dog in the bed next to

I'm miserable. This is not the life I wanted for myself of my children.

He regularly disappears, he lies, he drinks too much, he's walked off a really well paid job without one to go to, he's been off sick for 4 weeks with mental health issues. The mental health issues have been longstanding, he's been to counselling and is now taking prescription meds. We can't afford to be on a single income, we have zero savings.

I can't do it anymore, I'm a broken woman.

This disappearing, ignoring calls and lying has been a theme since we've had children, really. I semi joke that hes like a used car salesman, great sealing the deal-shit aftercare!

The other week a letter came through, he'd taken a 10k loan out, then claimed he returned the money within the 14 day cooling off period - but had no correspondence to confirm that! We can't afford the repayments, either!

I've just taken a better paid job, that involves travelling and will really sky rocket my career. But not if I'm a single mum.

I can't really afford to stay in our house if I'm on my own. My oldest has only just settled after moving last year. Some SEN has come to light too and she recently moved schools, so I really dont want her to have another house move.

Ive tried speaking to his mum. She is too weak, his dad isn't interested. My mum is sick of hearing me moaning about him.

What do I do? Our oldest is such a daddy's girl, it breaks my heart.

Not enough information really, but I can't see this going on much longer. It needs sorting out first, before you start the new job. Can your mum help with childcare if you end the marriage?

I've already started the new job. No parental support with childcare as full time carer or working.

There's not much more to tell really.
He lies
He disappears
He minimises my feelings
He drinks too much
And, harsh as it sounds, I'm sick of his 'mental health issues'

It sounds like he makes your life harder not easier. I'd tell him it's over. You can buy after school care for your DD and baby must be at nursery. It was be hard until.baby is at school but nothing can be worse than living with a liar who drinks too.kuch and disappears elwhen he's needed. I'd off load him and filocus upon your DC and job.

Could your parents help out with childcare when you’re travelling? Paid help? This guy is clearly cheating or worse (doing drugs etc), and isn’t going to change. I understand that it’s a big daunting change to separate, but I really do think that’s the best thing to do.

Ohh dear this sounds desperately challenging and as though you have no understanding of what is beneath all his behaviours. It seems you have spoken to his parents and your Mum but have you properly sat him down and spoken to him? Does he realise he is on the brink of losing you? What is he lying and freezing you out to hide? Is he gambling or is it a drug addiction? The secretive behaviour and poor mental health, job loss, money loan etc are pointing to something that needs support and since he’s not talking, I assume something he is ashamed of. Maybe if you can get him to talk there is a chance you can work together to get him the right help.

Stop chasing this looser he's loving it. He's a man baby. Stop everything you do for this ass and I mean everything let him do it himself or it doesn't get done. You need to find a way out of this for yourself and your children. you are stronger than you think and this man is suffocating you

Thanks @Kitjo I've lost count of the amount of open honest conversations we have had, I honestly think there is something else other than poor mental health going on! It's like speaking to a 2 year old!

@CJ168 I literally do everything, all the house admin, run the pitiful bank account, all the kids stuff, spend weekends doing cleaning etc
Ive tried lists, at his request, daily text messages, we even had a poster on the wall with daily, weekly, monthly jobs and stuff still doesn't get done.

Stop trying to convince him, cook and clean for just yourself and the kids only, stop doing his laundry take the better job. You are paying for 2 people the second person might as well be a nanny that can go wherever you go. get your own place you are doing it on your own now anyway so you might as well have a happier environment whilst you do it.

@CJ168 I do everything because I'd go even more insane than I am now. I can't stand disorder.
But I know this is unhealthy for my babies, as well as me.
I look and feel 10 years older.

I left the campsite with my (our) kids.

He attempted to manipulate me, blaming me for cutting the holiday short! We'd been there 1 night, and he'd disappeared twice, invited his mate to join us for a drink (who lives down the road) and spent the whole time we were there drunk!

Ive left the tent and all the food we just bought, put the kids and the dog in the car and left.

I feel strangely at peace. I'm sad for my oldest, as she has been upset, but I feel quite calm.

Just need to work out what to do next! Back in work on Monday, so I guess I need to sort extra childcare. But then what? How do you separate?