Please tell me if this is acceptable

[bottleofvodka]

Hi all

Will keep it quick. Im in a relationship with my dp for 2 years. When we met I knew he was into some kinky things, some of which we shared. He was part of an online website, as was his ex. In general it didn't bother me that he was on it from time to time.

About a year ago I discovered he was on another website where his profile was set to looking for a couple or female for fun. I discovered it by accident and we almost broke up. He said his profile was set up before we got together and he usually logged in to treat it as p*rn.

This morning I discovered he has been looking at his ex profile and pics, 4 times in the last month and has read all her blog updates. I feel he has massively crossed a line here. It's one thing looking at pics of strangers... not his ex. They shared a home together. He has now told me that my Insecurities are at fault here and has broken up with me.

He really crossed the line here didn't he.

It is. He thought i would be begging for him to stay. He is now blocked off everything. I don't want to see him ever again.

The funny things is that things in general have been so good between us lately. I really loved him. The p*rn thing never bothered me. He was honest about it and we had discussed it a lot.

But the ex of, that's a massive step too far. And his reaction. He did this the last time I caught him online. Turned it around on me and called me a stalker and a psycho.

His accusations are admissions,

It’s classic DARVO - when they get caught out they deflect it back on you so as not to take any accountability.

Its a common abuse technique

Well done for dumping this liar.

Thank you.

I have just sent him an email... its closure for me. I told him exactly what he has done to me. I needed to do this for me. I have him going directly to my spam folder. He is a nasty piece of work. No wonder his sister, children, ex don't talk to him... I truly believed he was a victim of parental alienation.... how was I so stupid.

OP i feel for you. Its so tough for any woman to be all her DP wants. Are you comfortable with your sex life in general or is your post a sign things not good for some time?

Our sex life was brilliant... it really was. We had a patch there for about a month where we could t due to medical issue (mine) and had gotten back on track. We had sex 30 mins before I found out about his ex profile.

I've always been very easy going about p*rn. Was never an issue, which is why when I found out about him last year I let it go... if he was using that site for porn.. so be it. Im very open sexually and im very adventurous. We discussed our kinks several times and I have said I would be willing to try most things, as long as we have a good conversation first.

But I cross the line at his ex. That is someone he shared a home with for 2 years. He loved her and wanted to spend his life with her. He was a stepdad to her daughter and still misses her. It hurts so bad to think he was viewing her pictures and reading her blog. Why would he do that? I didnt care he looked at other profiles... he didnt have that connection with any of those people. But he loved her.

I got an email back from him where he apologised. I asked for what and he won't respond. Christ I am getting sucked back in.

Currently dealing with severe pain in my ear and jaw. So im not at my best today

You have a free choice not to engage.
He is scum.

I give it a week and you'll be back together.

Well that's what im hoping wont happen.

On another note I've booked a counselling session for tomorrow with a psychotherapist who specialises in relationships dynamics and narcissism . Im trying my best.

This post has been bothering me for the last few days.

I am trying my best. What makes you think we will be back together? Posts like this aren't very helpful tbh. Im strong, as strong as I can be. I've started counselling and haven't contacted him since the email.

Christ I am getting sucked back in.

I am trying my best. What makes you think we will be back together?

Well that's what im hoping wont happen.

Trying your best? Hoping it won't happen? Do you not have agency in your own life?

That's what makes that poster suspect you'll be back together in a week. You don't seem to realise you have a choice and it's completely within your control.

Are you familiar with the struggle people have in abusive relationships? I got sucked back in last time. It can be incredibly difficult thing to do, to walk away.

Bit of encouragement is a lot more beneficial, rather than the negative assumption that I will fail. Predicting I will fail... thanks a lot.

Oh and the whole "that's what I am hoping won't happen" was stating the obvious

Absolutely well rid. Stay strong and stay away!

My comment was because you emailed him when it was unnecessary.