Is this it?

[qwerty36]

I’m 37, h is 44 and we’ve been together 13 years, married 8. We have two kids together plus I have a daughter from a previous relationship.

I’m basically lonely in my marriage if that makes any sense. We have no shared interests, not even same tv programmes. I’m early to bed and an early riser. He’s the complete opposite. We don’t do anything together. Initially the excuse was lack of childcare but now we do have it but to be honest I just can’t be bothered. What would we even do or talk about when we seemingly have nothing in common?

embarrassed to say his body gives me the ick. He runs but has a big tummy and moobs. Then again mine probably gives him the ick too. I’m still size 8-10 but three kids have screwed my body over. We have no sex life (but I’m totally fine with this). He farts in bed but seemingly doesn’t even try to hold it in. Literally romance is dead.

Is this it? I hope to be around another 50 years but how do people stay together so long when it’s so stale?

I don’t think I even love him anymore. But then I’ve not been in a relationship this long before. Is this what love is after 13 years? No spark just cruising.

Wowzers - if things are that bad why are you not planning the divorce?

No, this isn't what a happy marriage is supposed to be like, quite clearly, because you're unhappy. You don't seem to have any positive reason to stay together that I can see.

‘The seven principles of making marriage work’ by Gottman. Best relationship book out there with ideas and exercises.

Then his dates book.

Both of you need to read and participate but they could reinvigorate your relationship.

(I am assuming you used to really love him).

We can’t afford to divorce. So I need to find a way to plod on the best we can.

What do you mean you cannot afford to divorce ?. Of course you can. Have you to date actually sought legal advice?. Do not put up such self made imposed barriers for yourself.

Plodding on will ultimately not do you or your kids any favours and could make you feel just even more resentful of him.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships?. Showing your children a loveless marriage could make them repeat that in their own adult relationships.

Thanks but you know nothing about my financial situation so please just believe me when I say we can’t afford to divorce.

Would you like to improve things with him?

No, that isn’t what love is, in my experience. I absolutely wouldn’t want to live like that. I will take you are your word re: not divorcing, so what can you do to improve the situation? You must have actually liked him and had things in common at one point? Make the effort and arrange something. Doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. Go for a walk then a pub lunch. Try to remember why you married him in the first place?

It does not cost a fortune to divorce these days nor do you have to be independently wealthy. It’s your choice ultimately but plodding on like you’re planning on doing will do you all no favours.