Going to try to shorten this as much as I can but it may not be that short.
My mother was the youngest child of a very loving marriage, born in 1950. Adored, spoilt, indulged. Holidays in Italy and Spain in the early 60's as a teen, admits that she was the only person of her age she knew that got this.
Married my father whom initially was punching well above his weight although the tables turned later as he grew into his looks and his career really took off. This was an issue for her as she hated him outshing her.
So he would always bow down to her. To the point where when she was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to their daughters (me and sister) he would ignore it to avoid her going off on one at him. I have come to live with it, my sister is getting there.
So now.....Dsis and I are genuinely best friends we move the world for each other if we need to. We have always clung to each other instead of our parents and we are good. But......I have ended up being carer to my parents. Father has genuine issues. He is deaf, almost completely blind and has issues with medication that means he is more likely to startle, trip, fall etc. But he wont accept this, and will do things that will put him at risk and then have an accident. My mother will have a "migraine" or a stomach upset or something whenever this happens. Its clear that she doesnt like the attention being on anyone other than her. When he had a serious op for his hearing issues she was having to "take to her bed" like a character in a Jane Austen novel.
This was some years ago and it was sort of glossed over.
Today is a big big birthday for my sister (younger than me) and over the last two days my father has alluded to a cancer scare, which upon probing from my BIL turned out to be standard bowel cancer screening (BIL pointed out that he and I had both had it done this month too!). My mother, on finding that we were going somewhere she doesnt like for her daughters milestone birthday, said she might not be able to make it if she wasnt feeling well as the smell of the cuisine makes her ill, it doesnt, she just doesnt favour that cuisine. We didnt change it and then she took to her bed again. Father did come and was there an hour and a half and she was ringing him and asking why he wasnt home yet as she wasnt well. So then he turned on his "doddery old man" act. Dont slag me off for saying that, I know the difference and so does the rest of the family. The eye rolls of "here they go again" were universal.
My father throws money at people, me, sister, his grandkids.....to look like some sort of saviour because my mother is tighter than Simon Cowells t-shirts.
I am utterly sick of it. And I am massively pissed off that my sister and I have to handle them for each other. Can my baby sister not just have ONE FUCKING DAY about her?! When it was my big birthday a couple of years ago I organised something that I loved and knew they would hate. They both agreed that it wasnt their thing, wished me a good time and all was good. Yet just a couple of weeks ago Mother accused me of not inviting them, whilst at the same time admitting they wouldnt have come!
I am not sure what I am asking here. Just venting I guess. I think that they are both selfish and self absorbed, but play that out as being "devoted" to each other, when really all they care about are themselves. Shame they were/are never devoted to their kids.
Sorry.....ranting and blathering.
ETA Before anyone asks, no it isnt dementia. Unless it comes on at 22 and stays until a person is 74 and counting. The tools may change but the issues remain the same.