Drifted friendships and big birthdays

[thisplaceintime]

I’m unsure why but I am no longer friends with my previous best friend of 30 odd years. No arguments or big showdown moments, we just drifted slowly. It’s been 6 years since we saw each other and a year since our last WhatsApp message (a birthday message sent by me, was acknowledged but my birthday then ignored. Again).

So it is what it is, she moved on and I’ve had to do the same. But she has a “big” birthday coming up soon. I imagine she has plans but obviously I’m not party them. For some strange reason I feel a bit bad for not acknowledging it. Like I should sent a card and gift. But at the same time, why? I know she won’t acknowledge a big birthday of mine, maybe at push she might send a generic social media message. She doesn’t even know where I live anymore.

I just need to forget about it don’t I?

Two mins after posting I realised why I feel this way. The first milestone birthday when we aren’t in each others lives anymore means I have to face the fact we aren’t friends anymore.

Ho hum!

My DM used to advise me to just keep sending Xmas and Bday cards. She had 2 dear dear friends and the 3 of them used to live together in London in the early 60s. Can imagine the scenes, they were so broke they used to try to get asked out for dinner on weds, thurs and friday to make their weekly pay last. Life moved on, they each married, moved countries, had families, got busy, and could go years without speaking, but kept up the Xmas and bday cards. Finally we and the other DCs grew up and left home, and there her friends were. Visiting for weekends and screaming with laughter.

It's advice that has really stuck for me, so I send the cards, and one day life might cycle round to those friendships again.

Send a b'day card, OP!

Is it not a bit…. one sided?

It is at the moment, yes. Fast forward 10 years and who knows, you might be so busy juggling things that her texts to you are going unanswered. But in 20 years you might be drinking cocktails on the beach. Who knows. My best friendships we can just pick up again wherever we left off, even if its been months or years.

This is all based on an assumption that you still feel affection and friendship for her. If you do, send a card. If you don't, no biggie!

Do you want her in your life or not?

I'm going the other way. She blanked your birthday twice and you want to send her a card and present? That's verging on stalking. Raise your bar please. Focus on developing new connections.