Partner being unfair

[Seasea2]

I have gone away as my brother needed an operation and he wanted me there and to help him afterwards. I have been away nearly 6 days. He had some concerns about symptoms and side effects so we to the urgent care at the hospital today and luckily he is fine.

I told my partner I will be back a day later as I wanted to make sure my brother’s issue was sorted and it’s too late for me to pack etc. My partner has tried to make me feel guilty as I said I will see him Monday and he said ‘maybe you will’. He already assumes I won’t be there. Then my partner was meant to meet a friend at an event earlier and woke up late so won’t see him now. He said it would have been company for him.

I asked if he was ok and if he was lonely. He said he would be fine. I said I would video call later and he is fine with that.

I am really annoyed as I have been stopping at his for most weeks after his mother died and help sort his paperwork about his mother’s estate. I go to support my brother and my partner is making out he is lonely. I understand that but he should have gone to bed earlier and he wouldn’t have missed this event. He was still on social media at midnight.

I don’t see my brother much and I am not going to rush back without making sure he has been checked out by the doctor just to go to my partner to sit in house to watch TV. Plus I am tired and long driving is not safe.

I know if I speak to him about it he will say that’s not the case. I don’t want to cry as my family will want to know why.

I feel angry as we are both family people and I supported him going to the hospital before his mother died so he should allow me to support my family.

He’s behaving like a giant toddler isn’t he

It’s not as though he’s at home with quadruplet one year olds…. Ignore.

Tell your boyfriend to not be utterly pathetic and that it's not attractive.

He can develop his own friendships, then he won't be whining and dependent on his girlfriend to fight off his loneliness.
You should stay away for longer to hammer the point home.

What a massive baby he's being. I would find this a huge huge turn off.

You're a good person looking after your brother and don't be made to feel guilty for that by this man child.

Usually he is pretty good and understands and supports me when I see my family. The loneliness must be getting to him but he needs to make new friends. He has relatives he usually sees but they are away. He doesn’t understand I couldn’t control what date the operation would be the same week his relatives are away. I spent time with him before I left as the relatives were away then too.

He's making a situation that doesn't immediately benefit him difficult for you emotionally so that you will think twice before putting anyone's needs before his.

Of course it was alright when YOU were supporting HIM. Now you want to help somebody that isn't him and he is making you upset, think that he's upset and lonely and that he generally can't function without you. All so you will cater to his needs above all. Including family.
Horrible man-child behaviour.

First stages of emotional manipulation. Beware.

Don't give it a moment of thought, if he's lonely he needs to work on himself so people actually want to be around him.
He does understand. He just doesn't care and wants you pandering to him.

Does dating this man enhance and improve your life? Watching TV in the house of a whiny, petulant man doesn't sound enjoyable.

He’s a bit pathetic - oh I’ve not been pandered to for a week I’m sooooooooo lonely!

Get a fucking grip mate - or preferably some friends.

He's controlling, it will only get worse, don't let him move in with you

So he only has you and family for company? I'd be concerned about the lack of friends Op plus a grown man should be able to entertain himself for a few days

He has one friend but she can be negative. His other friends contact him but he shuts himself off because he has health problems. You are right, he should be focusing on friends. Codependency in relationships is unhealthy.

I like you! 😂

Your partner is doing it on purpose to make you feel bad. Nasty.

Nobody needs a partner like that.

Then my partner was meant to meet a friend at an event earlier and woke up late so won’t see him now. He said it would have been company for him.

Really?!?! If he was looking forward to the company he should have got up.
You have been away 6 days not 6 weeks, it’s normal to miss someone but totally unacceptable to try guilt the person that is away!

Use this as an opportunity to get rid of this idiot. This behaviour is manipulative and controlling; it will only get worse.

Precisely.

You say he has health problems Op so shuts himself off, does he think they wouldn't be sympathetic? It bothers me because he's closing his life down and he's already looking to you to do the same if he wants you around. Don't do it Op, he can't help being ill but you're not his carer

How long have you been together?

My DP didn’t bat an eyelid when I dropped everything to be with my ill relative a couple of years ago.

I left him mid-house renovation and builders to deal with 4 days a week for 3 months. He was patient when my emotions got the better of me and never once made me feel bad for “leaving” him alone.

Admittedly he’s very good in his own company, but anyone who made me choose between keeping them company and being with a sick relative wouldn’t be a keeper.

Usually he is understanding but his mother died recently. I know he is lonely but am not on holiday.

Is he usually this understanding really or would you like to assume he is?

You been helping him re the admin regarding his late mums estate.

It is still no justification for how he is treating you now. Value yourself more and bin him off.

I had a video call with him. Straight away he apologised and asked how my brother got on. He said he was stressed as his job is in talks of termination soon. He is seeing a friend tomorrow luckily. He said don’t rush to him and take my time as I have been busy. Glad he has been ok.