What are some questions I should ask him on tomorrow's first date b/c I am nervous about him being a divorced single dad?

[ForeverHopeful3]

I am going out on a first date with a man who I have been chatting with for the past two weeks. We've talked on the phone a couple of times and have pretty good chemistry so far. I am excited to see him tomorrow night! He is driving almost 4 hours to come see me!! (We will live that far apart... don't know how we matched lol)

I am 33, no kids/never married and he is 41. He told in our first conversation that he was a single dad, divorced for like ten years. I was pretty surprised but I liked his energy a lot so I didn't let that stop me from seeing where this goes.

But now I am nervous because I was not planning on being a potential step mom. And I was not thinking about getting into a relationship with a divorcee... My parents are going to have a fit lol

I am scared that his daughter won't like me (she's 11) and his ex-wife is going to cause all sorts of issues.

You're jumping ahead waaay too far!

You haven't even met him yet - if you carry on like that you will be frightening him away....

plus why mention it to your parents? In your 30s and worried about that too?

Treat him like any other date and get to know him.

You might not even like the guy irl!

when I was dating as a single parent, you’d ask a couple of questions about each others kids max - if at all!

what you should be asking is what is dating history has been like the past 10 years.

is he expecting to make the return journey the same night? Or getting his leg over with you?

I’d be suspicious that this isn’t a long term thing for him- a four hour drive for dates isn’t feasible long term- especially if he has kids every other weekend.

I think the distance will be more of an issue than his children to be honest!

Why bother when he is 4hrs away. That will be really hard to see each other. You’re getting to far ahead of yourself.

I’d want to know why he split with ex wife
How many people he’s dated since ( any longer term relationships and why they broke up - red flags if he calls his exes crazy) How often he sees his daughter (checking that he’s a good dad - doing his share of parenting)
I would want to know that he had a decent job and his own place
Is he taking you out for dinner? Is he expecting to stay over because of the distance?

Just see how it goes first. Most people dating in their 40s will have been married, have children or have some sort of " baggage". Personally I think it can sometimes be more of a concern if they haven't. But I agree with others the distance is probably too much.

For goodness sake! You havent even clapped eyes on him yet. You might not even fancy him.

It's just a first date..
Ask about:
job
hobbies
music
travel
other interests

Subsequent chats can and should be be about:
kids
ex
w
how long married
why did it end
what is he looking for: gf/partner/marriage/more kids
how long does he plan to work
financial situation/responsibilities

You can't really pussyfoot around the details with a single parent.

What are you doing for your date? I’d be concerned he’d think he’s owed something (sex) after driving 4 hours. Don’t back yourself into a corner into a situation you can’t get out of (inviting him back to yours etc)

Honestly, I wouldn't be involved with a man like this. Nothing up with him but he's much older than you and lives too far away for you to get to know him properly before you move in. I could not be doing with the drama of a teenage stepdaughter either! If you could just see him locally and go out on the odd date that would be different but you can only see this guy if you stay over and that's going to cause problems. You deserve much more than this relationship.

He lives four hours away? God, I wouldn’t bother personally 🙈

Distance aside, you don’t even know him yet so I suggest you stop stressing and just enjoy the date for what it is.

Does the distance not bother you?

I agree with pp that the distance would bother me. He's unlikely to want to move closer to you (as he won't want to move away from his DD) - how would you feel about moving closer to him if this works out?

If I was young and single, I would never get involved with a divorced dad older than me. I agree with pps about the distance, too, but imo if he was young and without kids, and both of you were committed, the distance aspect could be solved.

You are jumping ahead but while doing that have you decided you will want to take turns and make that 4hr each way journey every other time you meet up?

Definitely jumping ahead. I had a similar experience this week. Been chatting for two weeks, supposedly good chemistry. He came back home early from visiting his Mum four hours away. Met, I didnt feel it but maybe would have met him again, he point blankly said we weren't on the same page??? When I asked him about all the stuff he's said (you're lovely, we'll click etc) he said it was just flirty banter lol !!
So just meet him and go from there. You may be lucky or have the same experience as me!

The distance is too far. He s probably just looking fir something casual. No need to meet any family for 6 months.

He’s driving 4 hours for sex.
you are way overthinking this

Please don’t be this intense on a first date!! Christ, you’ve never even met him and you’ve catapulted in your head to being a step-mum!! 🤯🤯

Chill the fuck out!

I wouldn’t be going on the date unless I was looking for a casual FWB arrangement. If you’re looking for a relationship, don’t bother.

You live too far apart anyway and if he had a child his time will be constantly split. The child has to be his priority so you’ll be the one compromising. If he’s a decent dad that’s how it will be.

What if you get serious, are you moving to be closer to him, because he can’t.

Tbh, I wouldn’t want a FWB 4 hours away either but I guess if he’s really hot and can travel it would be ok. 😄

This isn’t going to work, OP. You live four hours apart, you haven’t even met and you’re already having the vapours about him being older and divorced with a tween daughter. Why not just put it to bed now?

This^
I would also be a bit concerned that he didn’t find anyone closer to home. Could it be because none of the locals want to date him knowing him well?

Disclaimer: I have suspicious mind.

OP you have left out massive chunks of info - do you live with your parents,
have you video called, do you know what he looks like,
is he driving to your house, did you not consider meeting half way?

4 hours is like London to Leeds, tiring, will he expect to stay?
motivated men will drive that far for a night of sex but I can assure you
he is not considering you as a LTR and certainly not as a stepmother.
He will be speculating if you are an attractive woman, at your age,
why you are not attched and will possibly be grateful for his attention
and him paying for a night in a motel. He will be gone before you wake.

^^ rhetorical questions

If this is real, consider his mindset,

consider what has been said here by experienced and worldly women
and call off this ill advised adventure.