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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why would he just casually mention this on his birthday and why wont he give me my money back?! something feels off.

26 replies

ByRareCrow · 25/07/2025 20:02

Hello there, so I will start saying that a woman of the past ( she met my partner right when we where dating, she happens yo be a realtor or was) called my partner yesterday to tell him the day of his birthday if he wanted to purchase some “antiques gadgets”that my partner would like as well as her partner that died in an horrible accident liked as well.

This woman got in the middle of my relationship 5-6 years ago and he apparently did not want to erase her number they were just “business” friends,(she sold him his house, our house) so I put my foot down and drawed a straight line saying: if ypu keep this up, it’s over, so he got away from her , no more messages etc, but after a while during December of Covid she came back inviting him to the gym.

Apparently she married a rich man, he died recently in a bad accident and she coincidentally calls my partner on his birthday to ask him if he would like to buy some of her ex husband articles gadgets, that my partner likes as well.

Im just in awee that my partner has the audacity to even mention this situation on his birthday to ME, that this girls husband dies and she calls to tell him and bla bla, honestly who cares? I truly feel bad for her husband that died, I dont give a dam about her or her feelings, shes a bad person.

Maybe i’m wrong but i’m getting a feeling this is gaslighting for something that hes planning , either hes looking for excuses to break up, cause iI got so disappointed after he told me this that inspite of it beingbhis birthday I dressed and went out to get some fresh air and distract my mind , even my chest began to hurt.

So when I returned he was sleeping and was like that all night (he was tired coming from his job) but I though he would say lets go do something for my birthday, so almost about 12 at midnight he wakes up, I was explaining something to him about our pup, and he began getting all touchy and giggly, I was not in the mood, so he got up mad and confronted me saying that why was I acting like that, that if the reason is that I am not attracted to him anymore he gave me a long manipulative controlling speech( cause I feel hes a manipulator).

So he said think about it because I will not beg you to be intimate with me blah blah, you have to think if you want to be with me and he went on until he went to the other room.

Another thing is he owes me money I lended him when he had a hardship had lost his job etc but yet he decides to give his mom money first( cause supposedly she has some situation in her country that she needs to settle, this woman I dislike I feel shes taking his money to bother me and to screw me).

He started a new job 3 months ago, good pay plus he rent 3 spaces yet he never has money, it’s always something going on with him, hes paying little by little, i’m just afraid I wont see my money back and I realky need it.

What do you think I should do in these teo different situations, cause i’m mad.

OP posts:
NewbieYou · 26/07/2025 15:58

You clearly hate the man so just break up with him. Talking to an old friend about antiques really doesn’t sound like an issue to me… very dramatic of you but Ofc I don’t know the full story.

But, yeah, you think he’s a manipulative, controlling man who wants you to break up, you speak of him with contempt, you hate his mother and think she’s trying to ‘screw’ you, you hate that he never has money.

Break up with him. There’s 0 love there. And either demand he gives you the money back or realised it’s not coming back and write it off. Learn the lesson not to lend money to people.

Blueuggboots · 26/07/2025 16:02

You sound like really hard work.

Pollqueen · 26/07/2025 16:40

Sounds like you dislike a lot of people in his life which is telling in itself

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 26/07/2025 16:41

Schools are out for summer!! 🤦‍♀️🤯😬

Profhilodisaster · 26/07/2025 16:58

Well, there's rather a lot to unpick there .

Enrichetta · 26/07/2025 17:02

Have you tried therapy?

Gettingbysomehow · 26/07/2025 17:05

It's a very slow Saturday today for sure.

Overtheatlantic · 26/07/2025 17:07

Why did I read that?

upandleftthenright · 26/07/2025 17:13

Eh? There’s about seven different stories in that word salad. The ‘rent spaces’ and his mother part was really bizarre.

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 26/07/2025 17:19

My favourite part is his mother accepting money just to screw with you.

Do you often centre yourself in other people's lives?

JLou08 · 26/07/2025 17:30

Just break up. It sounds like a shit show.

SriouslyWhutNow · 26/07/2025 17:38

🦇💩

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/07/2025 17:41

Drawed a line? Blimey, that's a new one...

BunnyRuddington · 26/07/2025 17:49

Overtheatlantic · 26/07/2025 17:07

Why did I read that?

I have no idea! Grin

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 26/07/2025 17:52

upandleftthenright · 26/07/2025 17:13

Eh? There’s about seven different stories in that word salad. The ‘rent spaces’ and his mother part was really bizarre.

Good for you making anything out of that - I haven't a clue what's going on!

cyvguhb · 26/07/2025 18:02

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 26/07/2025 16:41

Schools are out for summer!! 🤦‍♀️🤯😬

You don't seriously think a school child or teacher wrote this do you, why does this comment have to be posted on every thread these days? It's so banal when the OP most likely isnt a native English speaker

SparklyGlitterballs · 26/07/2025 18:18

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/07/2025 17:41

Drawed a line? Blimey, that's a new one...

Also, "he owes me money I lended him".

How much did you 'lended' him OP?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/07/2025 18:33

cyvguhb · 26/07/2025 18:02

You don't seriously think a school child or teacher wrote this do you, why does this comment have to be posted on every thread these days? It's so banal when the OP most likely isnt a native English speaker

To be honest, most of the non-native English speakers I know have EXCELLENT grammatical written English, often better than most who are native English speakers/writers. They take more care in order to ensure that their English is comprehensible. They certainly don't make past-tense errors like 'drawed' or 'lended', and the giveaways are usually specific phrases, none of which feature here.

The only person I know who says 'drawed' is five years old. Which is probably why people are saying 'schools are out'.

cyvguhb · 26/07/2025 18:51

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/07/2025 18:33

To be honest, most of the non-native English speakers I know have EXCELLENT grammatical written English, often better than most who are native English speakers/writers. They take more care in order to ensure that their English is comprehensible. They certainly don't make past-tense errors like 'drawed' or 'lended', and the giveaways are usually specific phrases, none of which feature here.

The only person I know who says 'drawed' is five years old. Which is probably why people are saying 'schools are out'.

That's really not why the PP is saying schools out, they are trying to be oh so cool and clever

Your experience with non native English speakers can't be logically extrapolated to all of the millions around the world, maybe the OP will come back and explain further

Foreverm0re · 26/07/2025 18:56

cyvguhb · 26/07/2025 18:02

You don't seriously think a school child or teacher wrote this do you, why does this comment have to be posted on every thread these days? It's so banal when the OP most likely isnt a native English speaker

So sick of those comments too. Do people think it’s funny?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/07/2025 19:26

cyvguhb · 26/07/2025 18:51

That's really not why the PP is saying schools out, they are trying to be oh so cool and clever

Your experience with non native English speakers can't be logically extrapolated to all of the millions around the world, maybe the OP will come back and explain further

Well, maybe that, but it is a fact that schools are out and we do tend to get an influx of, shall we say 'off the wall' posts during school holidays.

It isn't beyond the bounds of reason that teenagers think Mumsnet is ripe for trolling. And in the event that the OP never returns, it's a natural conclusion to draw (or have drawed).

cyvguhb · 26/07/2025 19:42

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/07/2025 19:26

Well, maybe that, but it is a fact that schools are out and we do tend to get an influx of, shall we say 'off the wall' posts during school holidays.

It isn't beyond the bounds of reason that teenagers think Mumsnet is ripe for trolling. And in the event that the OP never returns, it's a natural conclusion to draw (or have drawed).

You seriously think that actual teenagers troll on here, how have they even heard of Mumsnet? They have exhausted every other activity on offer and that's what they do? That's just unbelievable

Where is the proof that weird posts happen more often in the school holidays?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/07/2025 19:46

cyvguhb · 26/07/2025 19:42

You seriously think that actual teenagers troll on here, how have they even heard of Mumsnet? They have exhausted every other activity on offer and that's what they do? That's just unbelievable

Where is the proof that weird posts happen more often in the school holidays?

You think none of them are capable of borrowing Mum's Ipad and checking out what some of those open tabs are? You think none of them have ever heard of Mumsnet when it's frequently quoted in newspapers like DM online? You think none of them has every Googled anything sexual and been led to a MN post?

We're not exactly hard to find, and if you think teenagers don't think it's fun to wind up adults then you've never known a teenager...

cyvguhb · 26/07/2025 20:07

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/07/2025 19:46

You think none of them are capable of borrowing Mum's Ipad and checking out what some of those open tabs are? You think none of them have ever heard of Mumsnet when it's frequently quoted in newspapers like DM online? You think none of them has every Googled anything sexual and been led to a MN post?

We're not exactly hard to find, and if you think teenagers don't think it's fun to wind up adults then you've never known a teenager...

I know plenty of teenagers and I'm sure as I can be that it would never enter their heads to sign up on here, I'd be seriously worried about them if they did, it's beyond a weird thing to do.

If multiple teenagers in your life would do that you must live a very different life to me

The OP is clearly not the work of a school aged child

slightlydistrac · 26/07/2025 20:26

something feels off

It sure does. When something feels off, it usually is.

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