I'll try and keep this brief, but basically about 7 years ago now, I got myself involved in an online "argument" on Facebook. I say argument, but it wasn't really, it was just one of those posts where everyone is being a bit snarky.
Long story short, I ended up chatting with a guy in that thread, and 7 years later we are still chatting. It has NEVER been sexual or flirtatious in nature until recently but I'll get to that in a minute.
He is an aircraft engineer and I worked in aerospace at the time, hence we started talking. He would send me photos of places he was going and planes he was working on, we also both liked chess so we played chess together. I had a boyfriend at the time, and the relationship was abusive and very unhappy, and chats with this guy (I'll call him Tim) were nice, as were the chess games.
Tim and I wouldn't talk all the time, it would be sporadic check ins and most of the time I wouldn't reply or would reply very late. We stayed in touch though until Covid, when we lost touch for 2 years - my boyfriend at the time basically questioned every man on my Facebook profile and made me cut contact. This included Tim. For the next two years we didn't speak (2022 - 2023) but I would see him occasionally look at my linkedin profile.
I left my partner in 2023 and it took me about 18 months to recover from what was basically coercive control and mental abuse which lasted for about 5 years. I got back in touch with Tim at the start of 2024 and we immediately started chatting again. Our conversations are about basically anything and everything, his job, my job, politics, covid, hobbies etc etc and chess obviously which we both love. Plus photo updates of his work/my cats etc.
Through 2024 again, the updates were occaisional, but in 2025, I lost my job and one day he checked in and asked how I was. I told him what happened, and we began talking every day. It is always him who initiates discussions never me. I find him funny and easy to talk to which is really rare for me. I feel like he has been some sort of weird anchor all through some difficult times and he's never judged or pried into my personal life or tried it on like so many guys do.
He has often mentioned meeting over the years, but we never have. In May, we finally did, and we got on like a house on fire. It was a great evening, again, nothing dodgy.
So it's now nearly August, we know eachothers schedules, he is out of the country constantly with work, and the messaging is A LOT. We sometimes speak all night. When he wakes up he'll check in, we update each other on whats' going on etc. I've also noticed him dropping in messages that could be taken as slightly flirtatious.
I decided to do some investigation and was shocked to discover he's been in a relationship for 18 years. He has NEVER told me this, he's always been very quiet about his relationship status and I've never actually asked. We mostly banter and share updates on life, chit chat and chess. I speak to him more than anyone else to be honest and he says the same. His girlfriend obviously doesn't see him much but I am really shocked by the revelation. I haven't told him I know and I really don't know what to do because it's not dodgy, but there is clearly something that keeps us talking and we are clearly entangled on some level, although I don't know what. Neither of us acknowledges what is going on, and frankly I don't want to say anything until I've got my head straight.
I'm pretty lonely in my life right now, don't have much support and i'm in the process of buying a new house for just myself, so his companionship is really valuable to me. Has anyone experienced this before? It's just really strange.