If you have a sibling..

[Closeornot]

After reading a thread talking about whether you would rather have more siblings or experiences, there was a lot of people saying that they aren't close to their siblings as adults. I'm currently pregnant with DC2 who will have a 20 month age gap with DS and we don't plan on any more. I'm not close to my sibling at all and my kids not being close is one of my biggest worries

If you have a sibling, were close and still are, can you tell me what your parents did - if anything, to make it like that? Or what you wish they'd done differently? Any tips on developing a strong bond?

NC as I don't want to discuss anything that may be outing.

DB and I close as kids, rarely see or speak as adults, nothing in common.
DS1 and DS2 don't get on very well, never did, very different. Both get on individually with their sister and she gets on with both them.
Personality is the main decider.

Only have one brother and we tolerate each other at best for my mum's sake. I don't like him at all and keep conversations civil and brief as possible.

There was 10 1/2 years between my Mum and her brother which she hated so had my brother 2 years after me

We have never been close, he was the spoilt golden child. We had a brief period where we got closer but he's turned out to be a tosser so haven't seen him for 8 years

I’m one of seven and we’re all very close. We all see/speak to each other at least weekly, many every day. So far today I’ve spoken to four of my siblings.

It’s down to my mother. She always made sure that we looked out for each other, and would get upset if we fell out.

There is 18 months between me and DB and I haven’t seen him in over three years. I did well at school and he followed me in the year below, and was always compared by teachers etc, which I think began a pattern of resentment. Too close in age.

i have a brother 10 years younger, always were close and still are now in out 30’s & 40’s, nothing my parents did, we are very different but never really had any arguments or falling out.

my cousin hates her brother and they are 3 years apart. My girls are 3 years apart and get on well. It all depends on their personalities

Another who doesn't think it is something you can engineer. How would you then explain families where two siblings get on but not the 3rd ?

There are lots of factors that must influence it - from modelling your own relationships, as parents, with people you are close to....to individual personalities.... to geography (much easier to be 'close' to an adult sibling if you live near one another) ..... to life circumstances (one example being if you both go on to have dc of similar ages / are at similar stages in life)..... and many more I am sure.

I speak to mine most days and get together a couple of times a month. We grew up in a single parent family and moved overseas as kids so I think that was quite key in "uniting" us. Also quite similar in terms of interests, music tastes etc. thought personality wise we couldn't be more different.

My cousins are all close in their sibsets too. Notably my mum and her sister are very close (even now theyre in their 70s) so maybe we just saw this as a the norm.

I have one older sister, 4 year age gap.

We get along just fine, but we aren’t particularly close. We now live on opposite sides of the world, but even when we lived an hour apart, we’d only really see each other if we both happened to be at my parents’ house at the same time, or if it was a family occasion. We don’t have the sort of relationship where we’d just go out for the day together for the sake of it. We have polar opposite personalities, very different lifestyles and very different world views.
On the flip side, my best friend and her brother have the exact same age gap, and they are really close. They live a few doors down from each other and hang out almost every day - but they also have really similar personalities. If you saw them together you’d probably think they were childhood best friends rather than siblings.

As someone else said unthread, I don’t think it’s something you can engineer - it either happens organically or it doesn’t. I’ve got 3 DCs - DD1 and DS are only 16 months apart in age, and while they get on most of the time and share interests, they absolutely clash like cat and dog as well.
Theres 4 years between DD1 and DD2, and they have a good relationship, but I think the gap is too big for them to share many interests at the moment. But DS and DD2 (2yr 11m age gap) are two peas in a pod. DS has worshipped DD2 from the moment she was born. They really are the best of friends. They will always choose to play with each other, whereas DD1 has reached an age where she’s way too cool for all that 🫠😂 I’m sure the status quo will change as they all get older 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not true at all, in my experience. There's no guarantee that two children will get on.

I have 2 sisters and a brother. We’re all very close and have got closer as we’ve got older. My parents didn’t do anything special but I remember we would be in big trouble if we were ever mean to each other. We were absolutely never allowed to hit each other or even call each other names. It just simply wasn’t tolerated. My parents split up when we were teenagers and that brought us even closer together. Not suggesting a divorce will make your kids close but we supported each other through it all and have a very strong bond because of the shared experience (which was really shit).

I have 3 brothers and 1 sister. I am the eldest and the age gaps between me and them are 10,11,12 and 13 years.

Now they are older i am very close with them, and consider them some of my very best friends. They still annoy me of course😂

2 of my siblings are from my dad and stepmum and the other 2 mum and stepdad.

No idea what my parents did, I suppose I have a family that is generally close, we like being together (most of the time) I’m interested in their lives and them mine. I’d say don’t worry about something that might not happen! Congrats on your growing family ❤️

I'm the oldest of four and all for of us are very close as adults. We are all busy so don't always see each other much but we message and phone each other often. My mum gave us a gift from the sibling baby when each one was born. I had to look after the others but there is only three years between me and the next sibling down so we tag teamed and looked after the younger two when mum was busy. My mum made sure that we all had an individual hobby so we each had something that was our own and at birthdays and Christmas we were given money to buy gifts and cards for each other. We are all very different but get along really well.

I'm close to both siblings as adults. But we weren't close at all when we were growing up. Fairly big age gaps, mixed sex, different interests. Our parents didn't engineer anything other than us all sitting down to eat every meal around the table. We didn't have more than one TV then and no mobiles or computers in our rooms.