Ms

[NeedyNavyCritic]

Been together happily 23 years. Just discovered my partner has gone through his lump sum from his pension he took out 10years ago. Gets his state pension next year and will have to work. No thought for us doing things together in retirement as he will be working full time driving. I feel like finding someone to share with who can do things with.
He is crap with money. Its my house and we keep our finances separate for that reason. Feel very disappointed and upset that he didn't consider our retirement time together he will get his state pension next year which is not enough for him to live on after he has paid his dues.
What would you do

Is he going to be relying on your financially now that he's wasted away his chance at retirement?
That would be a hard no for me.
Good judgement keeping your finances separate. Keep doing that and make sure you always have a way out. That way he can't take you down on his sinking ship.

Depends on situation - if he retired 10 years early and wasn’t earning - what was he living on? And if you say it was a lump sum, surely he will still have remainder of pension kicking in too??

You might get more replies if you ask for the thread title to be amended.

Does it benefit you, to house this man? Does he cost you money?
He needs to pay for his costs, and if needed, house himself.

Build friendships and make plans for enjoying your retirement. Your boyfriend chose to not retire, so don't consider him in your plans.

@Crikeyalmighty it says he had the lump sum, presumably he was living off that? It says in the OP that the state pension is t enough for him to live off, so his choice to burn through the lump sum means he will need to be working. None of this is OPs problem, luckily.

The lump sum though before retirement age is ‘usually ‘ 25% of a pension pot - meaning he would still be getting 75% of it As a pension —at pension age - in addition to state pension . I can quite see how someone would burn through that if they haven’t been working for 10 years- it’s often around 60k to 90k at best - so not exactly a fortune over 10 years, but obviously don’t know all the details to know if that’s the case and whether OP was ok with that choice at the time- I wouldn’t be ok with someone stopping work that early unless you both had the same plans and view on life and there was likely further money down the line. Not enough detail to know in my opinion if OP being reasonable or just wants to get rid of him anyway.

No no monthly pension from work

How much did he burn through and what did he spend it on?

Kind of very important really.

If it was stuff for the house like home improvements I'd be a bit more forgiving.

If it was crap like cars, clothes and going out I'd be annoyed and give him his marching orders. I would never allow a man to use me as their pension pot. I'd refuse to look after a cocklodger in old age (or even any age!).

@NeedyNavyCritic how come? Was he able to access all his pension at once well below retirement age? That’s very unusual - are you sure he’s not having you on ?!

No not stuff on house as its mine for which I'm responsible for.
Just spent on not working very much annual holidays together. I've not spent that much. He has worked part time during this this on and off. On his car 2 weeks every year going to usa to see his son and grandkids

150,000

He was 55 now 65
150,000
No monthly pension that money was invested but he 25% tax free and has paid 20% tax withdrawal on money now he is 65

I wouldn’t assume that it would be that easy to find someone else you like spending that much time with who also wants you and has the right amount of money so that you can have the lifestyle you want.

Going to see his son and grandkids is a good use of his money.

Not really as now he needs her to support him.

150,000 is a lot of money and now he has nothing.

Not something I would put up with.

It is totally agree. but now he can't go unless he keeps working every year to pay for it. He currently is 65. I have 4 grandchildren myself. Fortunately I can leave them something as i have been careful . He now can't or his son for that matter.

You can leave someone for any reason OP. As you've said partner and not husband he doesn't really have a claim on anything does he?

Or you can support him and accept it. If you're happy otherwise.

No no claims on my house or finances, learnt that along time ago. Just feel dejected and hurt.
Thinking things through

What’s happened to the remaining 75% of his pension?

@85reasons that’s what I can’t fathom . I don’t know of any private or public sector pension where you can draw out100% at 55

So he is 65? This is spectacularly bad planning. Is he in good enough health to go back to full time work? Does he live with you? Does he have his own accommodation? I suppose couples therapy might help if you think there is something to salvage? Not sure I could get past this. My husband's not great with money but he knows he needs a pension and prioritises this. So sorry.

I wish I could message u privately as I have been in a similar situation when I retired at 64 and have lots of advice but I’m new to here and don’t know how to private message. I’m on Grandsnet where I know my way round the site and if you join that I can advise you more

Not the OP, but it sounds like her DH withdrew the entire pension pot. Some pensions do very much allow that, so long as tax is paid on the 75% of it (which OP has confirmed). I think the phrase 'lump sum' is misleading here.

@MoralOrLegal I’ve got you -!! wasn’t aware any let you do that - that’s what I was baffled about.

I’m so sorry OP. I would feel totally betrayed if my partner had done this. It feels very much like manipulation, trying to force you to pay for everything in retirement.

Lots of them do now.

My husband can take his out whenever he wants, same with his lump sum payoff. It's over £100k now (will be a lot more when he retires) he could request it all tomorrow if he wanted it. He's only just passed 50.

He took it all out as could be done on a withdrawal basis. Never left it invested.

@PaperMachePanda yep I understand now . I honestly didn’t think you could do that