I’m so fed up my partner is so miserable

[Lolill]

Me and my partner have a son together and we’ve a lot of ups and downs but even on good days he’s so miserable he never has anything positive to say about anyone or anything. I’m getting quite fed up and depressed with it I do try and make him look at things differently or I suggest todo something or ways to look at things differently but he doesn’t take anything on board. If I try and tell him about how I feel he turns me down and automatically assumes I’m waning to find someone else that is more fun and that’s literally not the case for me as we have a son together and if we was to break up I would rather it be me and my son. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way? And am I being selfish?

No you're not being selfish. Hes bringing you down and potentially setting your sin up to have a negative attitude to life as well . He needs to take responsibility for his behaviour and he need to stop turning your legitimate requests that he cheer the fuck up into nasty accusations.. That's just him dodging his responsibility to stop being suvh a misery guts and spoiling life for his family.

You're not his therapist/cheerleader/life coach
You're his partner. You're allowed to have needs too. He's taking up all the emotional room with his moods and leaving none for you. That must be suffocating.

This is what I’m thinking about too that when our son gets older cause he’s only two on Monday he’s going to have the same attitude and I really don’t want him to be miserable in life and thinking everyone out there to hurt eachother. And he turns good days into bad days most of the time and reads a lot of stuff on the internet and it’s really making me unhappy and it’s starting to make me feel depressed with his look on life constantly.

Honestly it really is suffocating and if I do feel certain way he just comes back with I’m wanting to look for someone else or to be with one of my exes and says things like that I’m thinking they’s better things out there but all I want is just to be happy with or without him like I feel like I’m stuck and I’m feeling guilt for my son because I don’t want him to have the same outlook in life when he’s older

You’re definitely not being selfish! Honestly life is too short to waste it being around someone so miserable, and not a nice environment for your DS to grow up in.

It's a very male thing to say.
Men tend to need a partner to help them achieve happiness, while women don't just look for another partner to make them happy. They tend to find happiness by being alone and not being surrounded with people who suck the energy out of them. Most women who leave long-term-relationships don't leave because they like someone else more. They like being alone more. But for a man who'se constantly depending on others to provide sources of happiness to him, that's hard to imagine.
If you choose to leave him, which I would, don't let him influence you. You know what your needs are and you know why you're doing this. Don't let him get in your head. He doesn't have to understand why you're leaving him. Whether he gets it or not, it's a done deal.

He likes to make plans too when we chidfree but then when it comes to it he doesn’t wanna do anything that we’ve planned and would rather have a drink and listen to music indoors but then always complaining that we don’t do anything together. And I just feel sorry for my son if we stay here much longer.

Is he aware of all this? Is he willing to change?
Things will only change if he wants to. Unfortunately, you can’t do this on your own.
If he is, then it sounds like too much time online is having an impact. Does he sleep properly?
Managing those two things could make a big difference.

We’ve broke up once and then recently got back together and nothing changed and he’s even more miserable than ever but then if I wanna go see my friends and family he hates it and excuses me of cheating if I’m late home and this is while I take my son with me to see them. He make plans too when we child free but when it comes to it he doesn’t want to do it on the day but then complains we don’t do anything together. I feel like tbh I’m just being used so he’s got company and your right men do need women more then women need men and I rather it be me and my son

He’s said plenty of time he will change especially for our son but he hasn’t done much changing. And he does have sleep apnea which has an impact on his sleeping but when he does get the chance to have a decent sleep he’s still the same. I always try and talk to him about things but he constantly shuts me down and turns it into an argument

He accuses you of cheating.

That alone is enough to leave him over.

Yeah if I’m ever late home from been out with my friends and family baring in mind my son comes with me as we live an hour away from my family and friends he thinks I’ve slept with someone. We always spoken about that cause I told him how much it hurts that he actually thinks I will do that and all he says is well I know your not but sometimes I can’t help but think it.

You're right. He can't help but think it.
How he chooses to behave however, that's completely in his control.
He could think it, swallow his thoughts and not accuse you of something he knows isn't true. That's abusive behaviour.

It was bad before, when you described his moods. But everything after that just makes this story so much worse.

He likes to tell me he change but it happens and then goes back to his same behaviour and just him alone is very miserable and always looks on the negative side of life. I’m just stuck on how to deal with it all. I do have family and friends support so I’m not alone I’ve been giving him the chance and it’s not happening for us and now I feel stuck on what todo next

I agree, the accusing you of cheating when he has zero reason to think such a thing is abusive - he probably does it because he doesn't want you to have your own life. That's how abusers operate.

You have every right to have your own life. Indeed, you have a responsibility to your son to have strong healthy relationships. It sounds like your family and friends are those relationships, your partner is the opposite.

If he is living his life online it will quite probably get worse, especially if he is accessing mens "rights" andrew tate type stuff, or very divisive politics that is designed to make people angry.

To be honest it sounds like youd be better off splitting up again.

He has watched that Andrew Tate before but he doesn’t now but also he doesn’t really have to get any ideas from other men he has own views sometimes and we do have a lot of disagreements about things but it’s always what he thinks . And he just brings me down a lot and I don’t think I can go on much longer anymore and once I’m gone I’m gone for good because he’s wormed himself back into my life saying how much he change and he just hasn’t 😒

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

I would separate and make the separation permanent this time around. He is not a good partner to you nor father to his child. He likely just told you what you wanted to hear.

Its not your fault he is the ways he is and you did not do that to him.

He sounds absolutely horrible OP, and the whole situation sounds miserable. Please leave him asap and start your happier life.

I do believe he tells me what I want to hear cause he knows how much I want us to work but he’s not working with me and then I’m made to feel like I’m the bad guy because I can’t deal with it anymore and I don’t wanna be like this for rest of my life and for my son life either want him to have happy memories

It’s not great, and definitely need to leave him.

It really doesn't sound as though he is going to change. Rotten situation for you but you sound as though you have a pretty clear idea of what you need to do.