My relationship with my husband has been getting worse and worse over the years. We’ve been together for nearly 20 years since we were teenagers and have four children together but the past few years have been tough.
He no longer drinks at home out of respect for me and the children but because of that, he goes out a lot. I know he takes drugs when he goes out too, and I always have suspicions that he’s lying when I question him about what he’s been doing. I recently have found different local hotel room cards in his wallet after I’ve been away for weekends to see my family, but haven’t confronted him. The other day after a night out there was hundreds of pounds of cash in his wallet which he afterwards said he’d won at a casino. When I did ask him though he immediately gets mad I’m going through his wallet. I wouldn’t go through his phone because if he ever found out I’d done that he’d never forgive me. Is that normal? I feel if someone has nothing to hide then why would it matter? He should even be able to show me his phone shouldn’t he? Could it be just out of principle? I feel like I’m wasting my life with a man who I can’t trust and who doesn’t care enough to even try. Is it deceitful of me to consider a private investigator? Should I try and go through his phone for my personal reassurance? He clearly isn’t going to reassure me and I don’t want to end our marriage based on a hunch or an unfounded bad feeling.
I should add that when he has periods of not drinking / going out we do get on well and I have no thoughts of leaving him. Help!