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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is wrong with OLD?!

7 replies

Breakfastattiffanys909 · 24/07/2025 12:35

Just letting off steam.

Ibeen single for years after marriage broke up. Have had a few Online dates but they all work out the same..
Had this guy messaging me for 2 weeks whilst he was away visiting his Mum, He organised to come home early and met last night. I never put too much on what he had texted "you're beautiful" "sure we'll click" "never felt this way" sending loads of photos of himself and family etc. He's only been out of a 6 year relationship 6 weeks!
Turned up, looked nothing like photo of a smart man in a suit (over 2 yr old photo I now know ) Looked like he'd grabbed his outfit off the floor in silky shorts and shirt and vaped a horrible smell. Yellowing teeth, no hair and unkept beard. But he was a gentleman, even asked me to a BBQ at the weekend. Once we got home could tell he was not not feeling it. This morning got the usual, you're a nice girl etc. This happens alot.
In the past I've invested in the date, may have kissed and cuddled but as this approach hasn't worked and I ended up disappointed I tried to stand back a bit. didn't work and think he was a bit miffed I wouldn't go back for coffee.
My pride wishes I'd let him down first lol but part of me would have met up again to see if I felt different.
I just don't get why guys say these things, look nothing like their photos and then move on.
Expecting to say single for the rest of my life (I'm 51) I am financially ok, have a lovely family and well educated but this seems to be a threat rather than an attraction. What works?!

OP posts:
BeerAndMusic · 24/07/2025 13:13

Happens the other way round too!

There are some gems out there but they get snapped up quick and you just need to keep looking

SittingOutsideInTheRainIsSoPeaceful · 24/07/2025 13:57

What's wrong with online dating?

People.

NowStartingOver · 24/07/2025 14:03

He couldn't have changed that much within two years?

The gems do exist on OLD, they just get ignored.

researchers3 · 24/07/2025 14:05

Breakfastattiffanys909 · 24/07/2025 12:35

Just letting off steam.

Ibeen single for years after marriage broke up. Have had a few Online dates but they all work out the same..
Had this guy messaging me for 2 weeks whilst he was away visiting his Mum, He organised to come home early and met last night. I never put too much on what he had texted "you're beautiful" "sure we'll click" "never felt this way" sending loads of photos of himself and family etc. He's only been out of a 6 year relationship 6 weeks!
Turned up, looked nothing like photo of a smart man in a suit (over 2 yr old photo I now know ) Looked like he'd grabbed his outfit off the floor in silky shorts and shirt and vaped a horrible smell. Yellowing teeth, no hair and unkept beard. But he was a gentleman, even asked me to a BBQ at the weekend. Once we got home could tell he was not not feeling it. This morning got the usual, you're a nice girl etc. This happens alot.
In the past I've invested in the date, may have kissed and cuddled but as this approach hasn't worked and I ended up disappointed I tried to stand back a bit. didn't work and think he was a bit miffed I wouldn't go back for coffee.
My pride wishes I'd let him down first lol but part of me would have met up again to see if I felt different.
I just don't get why guys say these things, look nothing like their photos and then move on.
Expecting to say single for the rest of my life (I'm 51) I am financially ok, have a lovely family and well educated but this seems to be a threat rather than an attraction. What works?!

No advice but I completely agree!

Similar age and circumstances to you op.

DustlandFairytaleBeginning · 24/07/2025 14:05

Actually I think the problem with online dating is mainly that attraction is a lot more than 'this person looks nice'. It's their smile, their jokes, their confidence, their smell, their mind, their values, the way they carry themselves.

I turned up to many dates and the guys looked exactly like their pictures but they gave me the ick in person. The people you fancy that you meet in normal life are rarely the most attractive people in the room but there is something about them that sparks for you and its different for all of us.

I think it's just a numbers game otherwise, to get one that makes you feel a spark. I kept many of my old dates I'd turned down on my facebook friends- just never got round to deleting them- and its been pretty heartwarming over the years to see all of them getting married and having kids with someone who looks overjoyed to be with them. I am now married with kids as well. It's been very life affirming that my very wrong person was the right person for someone.

Breakfastattiffanys909 · 24/07/2025 17:46

@NowStartingOver oh he definitely has changed in two years, perhaps the photo is even older than that lol

OP posts:
exhaustedbeinghappy · 24/07/2025 19:57

I think it’s just as bad even for the youngsters! DD is 21 and has been single for nearly 2 years, and has tried OLD since last year, she’s chatted to a few guys (some of whom clearly never have any intention of meeting up - I mean what’s the bloody point!) and only had the grand total of 2 dates.

I despair for her and her friends, they are all lovely girls with a great deal to offer, but are regularly ignored / let down / treated badly but a succession of incredibly average guys.

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