Husband is messaging another woman

[Kelwar]

Hi,
so… my husband plays in a band and every month they play to an audience. I don’t usually go as we have children but last Xmas I did go along. There was a woman there who when she walked past him slapped him backside. I was immediately alerted to her ongoing flirting with him and her crazy dancing when they played and just had a very uneasy feeling about it. I even overheard her say ‘isn’t it lovely your wife is here’ in a bit of a sarky way!
The following morning I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach about it so I did bring it up. She’s a very attractive lady in her late 50’s.. hubby is 52. We had been going through some marital difficulties.
anyway.. fast forward to last night and I’ve discovered they’ve been messaging one another with him putting heart emojis on her messages. There’s nothing really incriminating about the messages but I’m more irked that he wasn’t transparent about them writing to one another.
shes an artist and has an exhibition around Xmas time that he took out daughter to.
We’ve has a row about it as I find it really shady.
Should I be worried?
he says it’s nothing and I am being paranoid.. but I don’t message other men ever..

Yes, you have every right to be worried. He is crossing all kinds of boundaries that married men should not cross. He is gaslighting you because he is enjoying the attention from someone else. It may or may not be physical, but it's definitely an emotional affair.

Did you ask if they were in contact and he denied it?

Has he ever mentioned that she is a friend and he was taking your DD to her exhibition?

If not then there’s definitely more to it as if he had just made a new friend, he would have nothing to hide!

I didn’t know she even existed before I went to his band at Xmas.. the exhibition was before I met her that night but still didn’t consider he was going to see a ‘friend’.. he just said he was going to a local event..

I looked up her Facebook and he has liked/loved most of her posts which he then stopped doing around May time..

Uh oh. A genuine new friend would definitely be mentioned, this sounds like he didn’t mention it because it was/he thought it could be romantic.

Sorry OP but I think you need to get to the bottom of how far this has gone.

Yep, he’s up to something - we manage bands and have one band member who was married but just couldn't resist the ego trips- I’m afraid heart emojis etc are an absolute no no as is constant contact with someone who clearly has a thing for him- you are going to have to come to the point that you aren’t cool with it and it stops or that’s the end unless you are prepared just to overlook this kind of thing . Probably not his first rodeo either

What an absolute drip of a man liking all
of her social media posts!

They sound like they are infatuated with each other and have the added thrill of going behind your back.

You don’t have concrete proof (yet) that they have been intimate but it certainly appears that they wanted to be.

I just had a gut feeling about her.. she is older but she’s attractive and a huge personality.. he was allowing her to massage his ego.. there’s nothing terrible in the messages but it’s him reaching out most of the time.. like she had a migraine the night she slapped his bum and he messaged her the next day to see how she was feeling.. when I asked why on earth he would care if she’s better.. he said she’s a great supporter of the band and that was all… zzzzzzz 🤦 does he think I was born yesterday!?

Wow She had a migraine yet was at a gig and also dancing wildly. Utter bs, when I have a migraine I’m in a dark room and it don’t want to be around noise. She’s disgusting the way she made that comment about you being a the gig! She’s jealous and a predator.

Isn’t it amazing they don’t ’reach out to Fat Dave the 50yr old plumber’ who wasn’t feeling great and he’s a supporter of their band.

Id be raging op. Make your feelings known and if he continues I’d have a long hard think about where you sit on his list of priorities

It sounds like an affair. The constant social media contact, she's comfortable enough with him physically to slap his ass, telling him her health issue (which I don't believe for a minute, nobody with a migraine goes to a show), and that he took your daughter to her art exhibition, so he's already introduced her to your shared child.

Your husband is a liar. Does he keep in contact with every supporter of his band?

Line up your ducks and get a lawyer consult about what divorce would look like for you.

I dated someone in a band, he had a few female groupies (he was very talented and bloody gorgeous) but he had really strong and clear boundaries. They weren’t his friends, they knew his stage persona but not him.

Your Dh is either cheating or will do.

I agree.. a couple of years ago a woman he worked with 28 years ago added him on Facebook.. he then wrote her a message.. she’s seriously hot.. it was just a ‘hi, how are you?’ But he wouldn’t have bothered if she wasn’t so hot imo.. like, does everyone write to everyone that adds them on fb.. maybe I’m being ott about this scenario but I just don’t understand this need to reach out to women.. women I don’t know.. and he doesn’t tell me about the messages.. I find out about them… it’s shady.. he always claims to be a faithful good person.. but don’t they all?

That was my point to him.. he’s not writing to some male follower.. and the fact that she was over familiar.. he says she’s like that with everyone… I didn’t notice her being like that with everyone.. she is a big personality and she’s very loud and almost speaks so she’s noticed.. it’s a jazz band too and she literally the only one up dancing

Oh god, mine did this too. When will these men learn they are not Ronnie Wood.

🤣😅

Texting is cheating. He’s being very disrespectful to you. And taking your daughter !!!!

Go with your gut feeling…!! Red flags.