Finding more friends reconnecting with old friends in late fifties

[Ayeayeaye25]

I got married mid/late 30’s so had our kids even later had no family support so prioritised kids and DH and was quite busy and quite happy with that and putting myself last and kids first. Saw work friends and other friends very occasionally which worked well.

Now life has changed and I could do with one or two more female friends in my life more to do things with not necessarily a hobby but maybe to meet up with from time to time to have lunch, have coffee, go and see a play, concert or film or have a few drinks with etc etc. I have just sent some texts to old friends/contacts to catch up and touch base with and see if anything comes of it, but guess we drifted apart for a reason.

How else can I meet some new people to hang out with from time to time.

If I was your old friend and got a text because you now decided that you could be bothered with me after spending years not bothering because you had better things to do I would unsurprisingly ignore you

I disagree; I didn't have children, but am happily reconnecting with those who did now that they're finally coming up for air!

Thanks for that @2024onwardsandup , just what I needed today.

I think it takes two to tango as the saying goes and or to make a friendship or any relationship work.

When some of my friends who had children first and when they were younger. I fitted in with them, I called more than they called me, I went out on the occasional day trip with them and kids (when invited), babysat occasionally so they could go out with their DH, went round to see them in the house with a bottle of wine when their DH was working or away for the weekend with mates or organised nights out weeks ahead that were often cancelled or rescheduled etc etc.

But by the time I met DH and had our kids they were getting their freedom back and had made new friends or were in new relationships etc etc. So they didn’t make the effort to keep in touch or pick up with me or to be in mine and my kids life apart from a brief visit when the kids were first born.

Good luck OP. Sometimes picking up on old friendships is easy - you just slot in right where you left off. Sometimes it's harder because your life experiences over the past 20-odd years have been so different that you have both changed and are less compatible. Only one way to find out!

Thanks @Beachtastic I think thats the thing you can have quick coffee catch up and its perfectly ok and really nice to see one another and you remember why you liked one another but essentially several years later you have both really changed by life and circumstances and you could both be on different pages both having new, different, other things going on in your lives. So it is maybe just that a one off coffee meeting with no plans to pick up again.

Ignore first response. Can't understand how anyone with children would feel that way. Having children is literally like being BURIED for 20 years.

I've made contact with a few 'old' friends now I'm in my fifties and it's been lovely. Unfortunately none live near enough to see on a regular basis, but just meeting up has been nice. I think it's a time of life when you look back and start reflecting on things.

But in terms of building friendships, I do think it's tricky. There's a lot of 'ladies' clubs in my area with women my age, but I'm terrified of trying them out... might be worth looking on Facebook though for that sort of thing?

I agree with your post about how things change. I think divorces also add to this! Everyone loses that shared history and it's all kind of fractured.

Thanks @WitchesofPainswick true just texted and heard back from an old friend I met up with a few months ago (we hadn’t seen each other for many years she had a child and a goodly while after I did. We bumped into each other in town by chance and met for coffee a week later. Her husband of 30 plus years had left her the year before he had cheated on her for someone her sons age. She was obviously still really cut up about it and trying to move on. It was lovely to see her. In the message she said they have now got back together but taking things slowly. A vague mention of catching up but no dates mentioned.

I've definitely re-connnected with old friends more now DC flown the nest. We all have more time on our hands now, it's a natural next step to me. I'm also spending more time with the folk I have been friends with throughout, just upped the frequency again in recent years. It's been fun!
I've started a few new hobbies too, friendships take time though, I haven't made any proper new friends, just new acquaintances.

Thats good to know. As an older mum who worked part time I wasn’t in the ‘in groups’ at school as they were quite all cliquey, all lived in the area and attended the same primary school, all blonde, all had long straight hair, all of a similar age and I was neither totally career orientated or a ft sahm so just chatted to other outsider acquaintances from primary/junior schools but my kids totally changed friendship groups, interests and secondary schools so all of those acquaintances fell away.

I don’t need very intense friendships more low maintenance ones as DH is ill so I will
have to step back again when things kick off. I am just worried how I will manage on my own now with more time on my hands and after that time. As unlikely either of my DC will stay anywhere near local to me and wouldn’t want to hold them back either.

Go for it - I have reconnected with old friends post the child-rearing years. We take girls' weekends, nights out and even holidays together. It's great and very positive catching up and a lot of fun.

I say go for it. I have reconnected with a number of old friends this year and last year, one I hadnt seen in 15 years. Others were like my brothers (band members), id see 1 a lot, the 2nd sometimes, and the 3rd not in a decade. Getting together as a group was amazing. I think it feels like no time has passed because you literally HAVENT passed the time together. Didnt see their lives changing etc. Some of the best reunions have been with the friendships that were just fun, funny, not particularly deep. These have the least pressure to reignite. I have found that reconnecting with a friend i truly loved and adored, was amazing. But emotionally a bit overwhelming. Im not sure we'll get to see each other again. So i think prepare for those feelings of loss to come back if you do reconnect with any soul-mate level friends!

I have given up on this endeavour. And I didn't ignore them for 20 years. I just moved away and then back. But out of sight out of mind...

Are you on Facebook @Ayeayeaye25 ?

In my town there are a couple of groups Over50s and Over60s- where women can join and start events like coffee meet up, walks,etc. They were both just started by local women. Anyone in the group can host an event.

You could try starting your own and see how it goes?

If you want to share a rough location I may be able to point you in the right direction!

I haven’t ignored them for 20 years more the other way around.

Thanks I reconnected with two old friends ex work colleagues and we met up every couple of months for the last six years or so it was great fun. But it seems to have died a death now and we haven’t managed to meet up since November. One of them will sporadically suggest us getting together but then she doesn’t commit or cancels. I have tried initiating something a couple of times and again they are both eager and interested but then one can’t commit so it never gets off the ground .

Also in the last six months I have reached out to some old friends by text and by FB messenger most either sent a nice inquisitive message back but no mention of catching up, Quite a few others I have met for a coffee or a drink but afterwards just vague yes we will have to meet up again sometime or in a few months.

So guess we have probably all changed over the years with life so I will have to start some new connections.

I disagree too, I have no children and lots of my friends do and are now understandably busy with their families. I would happily reconnect with them in the future though.
Definitely worth a try contacting them, not sure what to suggest otherwise, making friends can be difficult. Just try some hobbies, classes, volunteering, they can be good ways to meet people.