Help newnpartner and teenages

[ThisSpoonyBrickEagle]

So ive been in a on off relationship with children dad since 2004 until 6 years ago.
Co parenting is normally ok until i get into a new relationship 16 months ago.
Me and my partner waited for 6 months in until him meet my 2 teenagers which went bad. My son was rude and swear and my daughter was dismissive and partner was super nervous and say things too that taken wrongly.
He apologised and we decide to take meeting the kids slower .
Today we meet up and had a quick visit back to mine without letting the kids know first which is what i would normally do but it slipped my mind.
my son just told me , he will never like him and would rather not be in the same space as my partner , as he stated his fight or flight started and wanted to hit my partner but he cant tell me why, he is having this reaction. There have been a few times of meeting with no issues at all.
Im at a lose of when to do as my kids know im happy and want me to be happy but act up.
When i talk to my ex about it , it gets twisted and all my fault so stopped talking to him.
Im very open with my kids about everything and we do talk .
Please if everyone can suggeat anything for me to do , willing to try everything .

Teenagers are not going to welcome a new partner into their lives, particularly as they gained a bad first impression of him. Teenage years are difficult enough without Mum having a new boyfriend they don't like.

If you are going to continue to see this man then it needs to be on dates outside the house and accept that your children don't want to meet him or have him in their lives.

You've been very clear about what you think your kids did 'wrong' during their first meeting but really glossed over your partner's behaviour and excused it as stemming from nervousness.

Your son sounds very self aware about his reactions - he's told you how he feels and you want to find a way round that which may not be possible. Your kids may want you to be happy but if you want them to be happy, you may have to keep them out of your romantic relationship - is there a reason they have to spend time with your boyfriend?

Is this your first relationship since splitting 6 years ago? How old are the kids?

So the first meeting between them didn’t go well. You’ve told us exactly what your DC did wrong but glossed over what your partners said/did.

And after this debacle you ‘forget’ to tell your kids the next time they meet him and wonder why it didn’t go well again. They probably felt ambushed

You may need to accept that they’ll never have a relationship so song force things and for the time being keep your relationship strategy your family life

Try dating your BF outside the house.

BF said something or multiple somethings the first meeting that put their backs up. Then you just decide to spring him on them again with no warning? That's really disrespectful of you and your BF towards your kids.

Respect their feelings. Stop trying to force a relationship between them that your kids don't want.