Met very nice man online...but not really into him.

[Rosiecidar]

Context here, I am late 50s and haven't been in a relationship for 18 months. I have a bit of a track record of being with charmers who end up dumping me and seem to be avoidant types.
So met this guy online, he is really nice, very interesting. Coffee first date and a very nice lunch the second date. We are intending to meet at the weekend. The thing is I am not physically attracted to him.
But most men in their 50s in OLD aren't that attractive. And honestly there's slim pickings out there, a decent clever man isn't that common. And I am fed up being single....great social life etc. Is it possible to fake it til you make it? What if I never make it ?

There's no harm in meeting a few times to see if attraction builds. The problem is when you minimise the importance of attraction and realise further down the line that it's important.

He might feel the same! A lot of older men might struggle with a physical relationship as well bear in mind, time is not always kind to the penis.

He might grow on you but if you are definitely not attracted to him whatsoever I would call it off. Can you imagine kissing him? How do you feel?

I think you have to imagine yourself kissing this man or indeed having sex with him! How do you feel about that? If you carry on seeing him, at some point he's likely to want to kiss you at the very least. If the thought horrifies you, then you need to break things off with him. It's not fair on this man to continue seeing him, if you're truly not attracted to him, and kissing him is going to make you run for the hills!! Yes, it's possible he may grow on you, but how long do you keep seeing him, hoping it might happen??!! Sometimes it's just better to end the relationship and find someone else. What about someone a little younger??! Not suggesting a 30 year old, but a man a few years younger might work!!

What do you want from the connection? Companion? Sex slave? Because you aren't going to get that from one person.
I'd be happy with companionship and intelligence, but physical is important too.
There are people out there just looking for more fwb.
Be brave, have more than one man. Use them for different needs!
We are a long time dead and you don't want to go thinking I never found the perfect man, but "that was fun*
We are single at 50+ for a reason. Go and live! What have you got to lose?

Obviously apply safe and sensible dating behaviour, don't jump into bed with any random bloke!

You need to fancy your man, I'm a big believer in that. Nothing wrong with having a few more casual dates to see if you start to fancy him, but don't get his hopes up, break it off if there's no chemistry. I mean it's not fair to him for one thing, but also you're not going to get much out of a relationship if you're grinning and bearing it every time you shag him.

How have your previous relationships begun? My pattern has usually been to like someone first and then my feelings for them grow, so I wouldn't be finding a lack of animal attraction an issue at this point! But I would of course be heeding a sense of active physical aversion.

I don't think there's any reason not to spend a bit more time with him to see what develops if you like him a lot as a person, but just be open and kind about things if you end up deciding it's not going to work.

I've met many nice men - clever, interesting, decent - who I wasn't attracted to. They became my friends. If you'd met this guy in any context other than OLD you'd just think you'd made a potential new friend.

Dating someone you're not attracted to just isn't a good idea.

🤣 Sorry I shouldn’t laugh but the last bit the way you said it is funny. Fair point though!

All good advice. I would want to date a man at my life stage. I like sex, it's important for me. He doesn't give me the ick at all. He has lots of very good qualities. The reality of it is at my age there are very few single men looking for a relationship who have it all. Feel rather muddled.

He might grow on you.

Very very true