Friend/acquaintance taking weeks to respond to a text message

[Clubsandwich83]

Friend/acquaintance I’ve known for around 10 years, we see each other a few times a year for lunch or coffee. I enjoy her company and she seems like she enjoys mine. But when we message to sort a get together (initiated by either of us), she takes weeks to respond. This has been going on for a good few years and I’m finding it very frustrating and have just about decided to not bother responding myself next time and let the friendship fade. I hate confrontation and rarely fall out with people, I have a handful of very good close friends who I’ve known for 40 plus years so I think/hope I’m quite a likeable person. She always apologises but I just think it’s so rude. I get that we’re all busy but 5 weeks to respond to a message?!

Time to move on. Some just aren't worthy of your time. Whether it's arrogance or flakiness, it's unnecessary and upsetting. Focus on people who value you instead.

I know you’re right!

Try to look at her behaviour in itself and as yourself what she's communicating to you. For a moment, don't look at her words. Look at her actions.
Her actions tell you that she's comletely uninterested in maintaining this 'friendship' - if you can call it that. She may give you a socially desireable apology, but repeats the same behaviour.
Try to respond based on her behaviour, not her words. Match her energy. If you were to stop investing in and caring about this friendship, what would you do?

Very time wasting op. Met a girl we were in same primary. Lovely girl. She be weeks replying. It fizzled out as quick.. I dont know but I dont be as invested in friendships now and chasing people

If you only see her a few times a year, does it matter that she doesn’t respond swiftly? I can see the irritation but you’re not on a fast-moving timeline with this friendship so she probably has you at the setting that’s been working fine so far. If you’ve not said it bugs you and it always works out okay with the arrangements and meet ups, then she’s got no reason to up the pace. Have you never said anything about it? Either jokingly - I’d given up on hearing back from you! - or simply honest - I wish you’d not take so long to reply, it makes me feel like you’ve forgotten me. You don’t need to be a fan of confrontation, you just need to communicate and the stakes are low if you’re ready to ditch her for this anyway.

It depends how close you are. I have a very close friend who I don’t text for weeks but we’re like soulmates when we talk.
Only you know whether she’s prioritising you or not.

I do this.

It's not because I don't like or care about friends. I just find messaging way too much. I'd be there to help friends if they needed something but I can't tolerate back and forth texting.

I prefer contact I initiate.

That might make me a selfish friend, but I'm very kind and generous, just easily overwhelmed by contact.

I find it impossible to keep up with texts because there are so many that I get each day. If I don’t respond immediately, I often forget for days because the message gets pushed down my screen. And I am trying not to constantly be on my phone because it’s so bad for me. I’m much better at responding to phone calls and emails.

To give you another perspective OP, I have ADHD and I really struggle with messaging friends back. I feel awful for it and if I leave it a few days I'm thinking oh they must be annoyed at me so I leave it longer making the problem worse. If I am going through difficulty in my life too where I need some headspace to work through things I tend to go off the radar.

I get people are busy but there's no good reason to take this long to respond IMHO

I have ADHD too but I bet you don't take 5 weeks to get back to someone!

I'm autistic and I really struggle with this when I'm burnt out. Responding becomes just another item on the to do list. It's not that I don't really enjoy my friends' company- I really do- but endless back and forth texting is the digital equivalent of small talk. I'm tensing up right now just thinking of the pressure to respond quickly or be judged.

I respond pretty much immediately. I don't see the point in keeping people hanging on for a reply.
A casual friend has done this and I get the message that I'm not important in her sphere. So, I haven't bothered initiating contact and, guess what? A friendship that has now withered on the vine.

It could be completely innocent or it could just be that they're not invested in the friendship anymore. I've had both kinds of friendships over the years, am still friendly with one who is lovely but flakey, and not with the ones who clearly just aren't interested anymore!

I hope your friend falls into the first category.