Not sure if he's with me for convenience

[Havinawobble]

Met my OH just over a year ago. He's very handsome, but not as fit as he once was and his weight has always been something he's mentioned (but not bothered me), he has also put on more weight in recent months. Coupled with this he doesn't have much disposable cash at the moment. Again it doesn't bother me, although we are having nights in, as unless I pay we can't afford to go out.

But, he's never said he loves me. Talks vaguely about the future, but doesn't seem to want to make any plans. I'm starting to feel like I might be a convenient shag until he can get back to his ideal weight and\or afford to start dating again.

I don't know what it is. I have been hurt before, so don't know if I'm in the sabotage stage or if I am reading things right.

Our relationship definitely isn't on equal terms at the moment. And we haven't been together long enough to have stuck through thick and thin together.

I'm 41 so would really like to settle down.

You've been together a year and he's not said he loves you?
It's time to move on. If he's not saying he loves you or showing it with his behaviour then I'm not sure what affirmations you are getting to make you stay.
Life is too short to waste time on someone who doesn't show they want you, especially when you are still very early into the relationship.

Are there any positives with him? You've only spent a year on him, it would be easy to walk away now and find someone more into you.

He's using you, OP, I'm afraid. Get rid of him now. It's always a sign if you're paying for everything and they're not even loving towards you.

It sounds rather boring and unfulfilling for you? Staying in unless you pay, no real feelings mentioned. It’s not working for you, don’t stay with him, you deserve better. He wants a low effort relationship that’s not serious.

He sounds like he is insecure and wanting you to step up and prove to him he is worth being with. I get you are soothing his ego at a time he is feeling fragile, what is he doing for you?

He might not be able to treat you to nights out, but he can make you feel loved and appreciated. Why isn't he doing that?

He lives with you?

Cocklodger.

Get rid!

It doesn’t sound good.
Always trust your instincts.

Do you live together OP? If not it’s an easy ‘this isn't working for me, bye’

Wouldn't be for me.

You sound really bored with him (I would be as well). Your intuition is telling you that he's with you for conveniance. My question is : Why are you staying with him?

It's not that easy. I'm 41, want to settle down. I can't keep walking away. I'm not sure if it's not working for me because he's stringing me along or because I am difficult.

At some point I need to be objective about my prospects, I am not the sort of woman who inspires romantic gestures.

We don't live together and nothing is combined. I don't know if he isn't talking about the future because he doesn't have anything to offer at the moment, or because he doesn't see it happening with me.

Do you love him? Have you told him? If not I would tell him your feelings and see how he responds. If he doesn’t say that he loves you too then you have your answer?

He's punching.

What if he’s not using you for convenience, and this is him at his best, this is his idea of making an effort?

happy now?

it doesn’t really matter what his motivation is - you deserve better

As the youngsters would say, match his energy. You'll get your answer soon enough.

if you didn’t have a desire for a baby and the pressure to ‘settle down’, would you stay with him? If he isn’t talking about your future or saying I love you after a year then it doesn’t bode well.

Oh, no no no.

If you leave him, there's a very good chance you'll meet someone you love and who loves you.

As long as you're with him , there's no chance

When you say 'settle doesn't, do you mean kids and marriage etc, or do you mean move in together as a couple with maybe marriage?

Because the former changes things. The latter you have as much time as you want to stay or leave.

You want to settle down. Are you sure you don't mean settle? Because this guy doesn't love you, doesn't make plans with you, and you're paying his way. It sounds like this is a temporary convenient thing for him right now and you're the one doing all the heavy lifting.

He sounds like a man I know and his current partner. He was crazy about the previous lady, who ditched him. This one chased him and he doesn't treat her very nicely. He also has form for moving into somebody's home and not moving out. I wouldn't be surprised if he is with her to avoid being 'alone' until somebody better comes along.