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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you go?? Very,very looooong and probably just as boring...

6 replies

FiteFuaite · 27/05/2008 12:40

One of my aunts is visiting at the moment and it seems that she isn't very well and has come for a 'final' visit home. She is staying with my mother and she (my mother) is very,very keen on my calling over to meet Aunt to let her see Dd.

This Aunt has been a bitch for most of her life. My mother even admits it,when my Mother went to Scotland for a wedding,Aunt spread all these rumours about her behaviour there. My father was around 30 years older than my mother and he went ballistic when he heard these totally untrue stories and it really caused a lot of problems in the family. That was before I was born,btw,but my siblings remember it well.

She lies and has lied and revels in lying and setting people against each other,it's always been her way and afaik,she has never been challenged on it by my mother.

When my sister was dying she visited a lot and was desperate to know what she was doing with her house when she died/if it was hers or her partners/what she had planned for the rest of her money/ornaments. Aunt and sister lived in the same town,different country to the rest of us so we didn't get to see her very often but sister would ring up in tears because she had just had the same conversation again with aunt.

For this alone,I would happily push Aunt in her wheelchair down a steep flight of cement stairs as my poor sis was dying in her bed and had this vulture perched at her elbow talking shite at her. This aunt hadn't spoken to my sister for quite a few years because my sister stood up to her when she was telling everyone my mother was spending all her money in the bookies( that wasn't true,btw)I don't think my mother knows what Aunt was saying about her but if she did,it wouldn't change anything. She has always tried to appease and placate Aunt and wouldn't listen.

Aunt has been vile to me,too,ever the years. I tried to write down some of the things she has said/done but I had to delete them as I feel a great weariness come over me when I read them. They are so petty and should so unimportant that a sane person would wonder how on earth anyone could be ars*ed to start a row over them. But she did and I suffered so much as a result.

Dammit,I have to describe one incident when I was around 14. I was getting a lift to school and was getting into the car.As I did,I caught my school coat in the fence and ripped it quite badly. My mother was there and saw it all and was cross with my brother for parking so close to the fence. Anyhoo,all forgotten she said she would sew it when I got home. Fast forward a few months and my Aunt was visiting and was going on about people not looking after their belongings and how lucky she was with her girls that they took care of their clothes. I didn't realise that she was making a point to me until she accused me of ripping the coat on purpose because I hated it. I asked my mother to tell her what happened but my mother said she couldn't remember and asked me to let it go.
There was also an incident with an overdue library book...but you'll have to take my word on that one.

That story was trotted out at my wedding Aunt told my husband about how wilful I was and careless with my belongings. If I visit today,that story will probably be told again as Dd (3) hasn't heard it and probably needs to
It'll be told in a 'how lovely Dd looks,I hope you look after her clothes better than you did your own' My mother will titter nervously and agree with whatever Aunt says and I will seethe with suppressed rage.

Gah...now I am as petty as she is by re-telling that stoopid story. It happened nearly 30 years ago and look,I am still going on about it.

So,what would you do? Would you go visit mother and aunt,or would you stay home?

I don't have a good relationship with my mother at the best of times,she was emotionally and physically abusive while growing up and quite frankly,I don't think she is now in a position to call in favours. She wants me to visit to please Aunt,as it'll give Aunt many stories to tell when she gets back home about how fat and old I have got (tis true ) but at the same time,Dd is glorious,so gorgeous and cute and that might keep her bile in check?

Also,it's raining and windy and cold out...

OP posts:
piratecat · 27/05/2008 12:50

don't go. why bother your aunt with your annoying pressence.

stayy in and be happy.

say to yourself 'I don't do guilt trips anymore'

mumblechum · 27/05/2008 12:52

I'd go for 15 mins not to please aunt but to keep mum happy.

bev1e · 27/05/2008 12:58

Don't go. Sour old bag (your aunt, not you) doesn't deserve the pleasure of yours or dd's company.

ib · 27/05/2008 13:01

No way. I would stay in, bake a cake and scoff it with your dd. Only thing to do on a wet cold day. Don't expose your dd to poison.

justdidntthink · 27/05/2008 13:11

Why are you even asking? If she was not related to you would you even consider going to see such an unpleasant and vindictive character as this? Regardless of the relationship you have with your mother, you are an adult and entitled to decide whether you want to see this person without feeling any guilt as to possible repercussions for anyone else!
Normally, I would say 'it is family, you should go' but not when that person is as vile as she sounds!
Thank goodness for my wonderful aunts who are more than generous in their time and their appreciation of the younger generations of the family!

justdidntthink · 27/05/2008 13:12

Why are you even asking? If she was not related to you would you even consider going to see such an unpleasant and vindictive character as this? Regardless of the relationship you have with your mother, you are an adult and entitled to decide whether you want to see this person without feeling any guilt as to possible repercussions for anyone else!
Normally, I would say 'it is family, you should go' but not when that person is as vile as she sounds!
Thank goodness for my wonderful aunts who are more than generous in their time and their appreciation of the younger generations of the family!

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